Progressive Panic

             According to “progressives” the Earth is doomed because of: Global warming/climate change/fracking/extraction industries as a whole/capitalism/white, heterosexual, cis-male Christians/toxic masculinity/homophobia/misogyny/fructose/melting glaciers/ozone-layer depletion/plastic straws/the internal combustion engine/plastic bags/red meat/floods/drought/soft-drinks/cigarettes/earthquakes (caused by man’s fracking)/air travel/cow farts/Macedonian content farms/Russian election interference/Trump’s existence/Israel’s existence/firearms/Islamophobia/the U.S.’s possible attempt to gain control of its own borders/Donald Trump, Jr./flushing the toilet/people driving cars/turning on the lights/rampant obesity/right-wing terrorist groups/Chick-fil-A/Fox News/(American) football/greenhouse gases/moronic rubes in flyover country/country music/hunting/fishing/habitat loss/water pollution/EL Niño/non-organic food/genetically-modified food/opioids/nuclear power/nuclear weapons/deforestation/invasive species…and saturated fats.

Yet the average life expectancy has steadily risen around the planet in recent decades. Hmm.

And, oddly enough, abortion/Socialism/Godlessness/hyper-secularism and casually swapping kid’s genders doesn’t make the leftist’s list. Apparently, these are all ‘A-OK,’ no possible threat to human society or the planet as a whole.

But there are even more threats. Artificial intelligence could spiral out of control. Governments could be so incompetent, brutal and tyrannical that they would render life unbearable.

Some experts predict that “unknown unknowns” may do us all in, believing that it’s a virtual certainty that countless other unpredictable, though existential, dangers exist of which we are as yet unaware.

And then there is “BRETTD, CERTIFIED EDUCATOR,” as one website describes him. Brett opined that homo sapiens have harmed the Earth in innumerable ways, saying of (other) humans: “How haven't they harmed the Earth?  Humans, in the end, are animals, and they consume resources and occupy space.  The difference between us and other animals is our ability to think and reason, so we have harmed the Earth with technology, drilling, mining, settlement, overharvesting, overfishing, large scale carbon emissions and pollution of all sorts, particularly water pollution and nuclear waste.”

So, it’s our ability to think and reason that’s killing the planet? Well, I guess that means Democrats really are better for the Earth.

Or not. Personally, I plan to eat red meat with plastic utensils and sip a “Big-Gulp” soft-drink through a plastic straw while driving my SUV and texting the CEO of Exxon boob pictures and Bible verses as I’m on the way to a Trump rally—guns, fishing rods and cartons of cigarettes in my trunk, football game on the radio, yarmulke on my head.

Truth be told, the Earth is only doomed if sane people allow progressives/leftists to rule over it. And them.