Pink Salmon Too Abundant Researchers Say

                Amid all the panic about extinctions, habitat loss and ocean pollution, yet another peril has appeared: there are too many pink salmon. Why? Because they may impolitely consume more than their fair share of zooplankton, the foundational building block of the ocean’s food chain. Zooplankton provide sustenance for everything from seabirds and small salmon to gigantic whales. Biological oceanographer Sonia Batten has examined 15 years of data from the North Pacific and found that zooplankton were far more abundant in even-numbered years than in odd-numbered years. Moreover, she concluded that just one predator fit the profile of the gluttonous culprit: pink salmon.

                Researchers say that pink salmon are voracious eaters—almost Trump-like-- and thrive at the expense of other salmon, seabirds and species that share their diet. A 2018 study estimated that roughly 665 million adult salmon swim in the North Pacific, pink salmon accounting for about 67% of that number. Greg Ruggerone, president of Natural Resources Consultants in Seattle, Washington, has been analyzing salmon interactions since 2009 and says the results show “there is this link between sockeye salmon and pink salmon related to competition for food.” Duh! A decade-long scientific analysis revealed that animals compete for food??!! My God, what truths-- what natural phenomena—will science uncover next?! The Earth is flat? Water is wet? Climate changes over time?

                Something’s fishy here, though. Do we really feel the need to pick winners and losers among the salmon species? Is it logical and practical to attempt to determine the exact population composition of various species of the same family? It is so pathetically typical of progressives to believe they know best for other people-- and other species—that they may well decree that “pink salmon should comprise no more than 47% of the overall population of salmon in the North Pacific, whereas sockeyes should be no less than 20% and no more than 25%. King salmon should be capped at 18% while the rest of the salmon species together should number between 10% and 15% of the total. I have spoken.”

                I feel sorry for pink salmon. They are essentially being accused of “pink salmon supremacy.” I hope they don’t unveil a sign reading “All Salmon Matter.” If they do, progressives may aid in their extinction.