Monday, January 14, 2019

Fundraiser For Population Control And Immigration Reform

February 14, 2019
Minneapolis Convention Center

Master of Ceremonies: “Welcome, all, to our first annual fundraiser for population control and immigration reform. I’m Paulina Progrecev and I’m honored to be your emcee this evening. Tonight, we will be talking about the importance of keeping population growth under control by funding education and healthcare services for girls and women. It is vital that we keep our population to a manageable level and not over-stress our limited resources. Also, a bit later, we will be discussing measures you can take to ensure that the U.S. never builds a border wall and cuts itself off from the rest of the world. We will address ways to increase the flow of immigrants—'illegal’ or legal—into the country to help us experience the joys of diversity. As most of you know, a thriving immigrant population enriches us beyond measure. On that, the science is settled. No deniers here! Did you know there were potentially as many as 2 million DREAMers in the country? But the Trump administration has never liked President Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, so we must be vigilant--  and courageous in standing up to those who would so cold-heartedly deport these children and send them back to their homes, thereby depriving them of their inalienable right to free education and healthcare, driver’s licenses and voting privileges, as well as the fun of walking into convenience stores and speaking only Spanish to the clerk. With that said, Planned Parenthood is sponsoring a booth tonight called ‘Keep Kids with Parents, It’s Where They Belong!’ If you visit the booth you will see some truly horrifying pictures of little children, some not much older than babies, being held in cages after the Trump administration snatched them from their parents at our southern border recently. Can you even imagine that kind of callousness? I also encourage you to visit the Margaret Sanger Center for Abortion Rights and Euthanasia (CARE) adjacent to this auditorium. This evening Planned Parenthood will be holding a drawing there—open to those 13 and older-- for one free abortion. That’s right, completely free-- from consultation to clean-up. I kid you not! A little abortion humor there……haha! Supposed to have twins? Planned Parenthood has you covered there, too. Members of the organization will be coming around with raffle tickets shortly. For only $1 per ticket, you can take a chance at winning an abortion BOGO! If you’ve gone all the way to home base lately with a ‘two-run shot,’ you might just want to execute a double play today! Abort both your fetuses for the price of one! Anyway, our heartfelt thanks goes out to that wonderful organization for their kindness and largess. And don’t forget, Democrats for Immigration Maximization (DIM) and Abortions for A Better Tomorrow are teaming up to provide dinner tonight in the Marie Stopes Memorial Banquet Hall through the doors to your right. DIM is serving tacos and Dos Equis, while the folks at Abortions for A Better Tomorrow will tempt your taste buds with pigs-in-a-blanket, tender baby back ribs and Bud Light. Dilly, Dilly! Have a magical night, everybody!”


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