February 14, 2019
Minneapolis Convention Center
7 PM CST
Master of Ceremonies: “Welcome,
all, to our first annual fundraiser for population control and immigration
reform. I’m Paulina Progrecev and I’m honored to be your emcee this evening. Tonight,
we will be talking about the importance of keeping population growth under
control by funding education and healthcare
services for girls and women. It is vital that we keep our population to a
manageable level and not over-stress our limited resources. Also, a bit later,
we will be discussing measures you
can take to ensure that the U.S. never builds a border wall and cuts itself off
from the rest of the world. We will address ways to increase the flow of
immigrants—'illegal’ or legal—into the country to help us experience the joys
of diversity. As most of you know, a thriving immigrant population enriches us
beyond measure. On that, the science is settled. No deniers here! Did you know
there were potentially as many as 2 million DREAMers in the country? But the
Trump administration has never liked President Obama’s Deferred Action for
Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, so we must be vigilant-- and courageous in standing up to those who
would so cold-heartedly deport these children and send them back to their
homes, thereby depriving them of their inalienable right to free education and
healthcare, driver’s licenses and voting privileges, as well as the fun of
walking into convenience stores and speaking only Spanish to the clerk. With
that said, Planned Parenthood is sponsoring a booth tonight called ‘Keep Kids
with Parents, It’s Where They Belong!’ If you visit the booth you will see some
truly horrifying pictures of little children, some not much older than babies, being held in cages after the
Trump administration snatched them from their parents at our southern border
recently. Can you even imagine that kind of callousness? I also encourage you
to visit the Margaret Sanger Center for Abortion Rights and Euthanasia (CARE)
adjacent to this auditorium. This evening Planned Parenthood will be holding a
drawing there—open to those 13 and older-- for one free abortion. That’s right,
completely free-- from consultation
to clean-up. I kid you not! A little abortion humor there……haha!
Supposed to have twins? Planned Parenthood has you covered there, too. Members
of the organization will be coming around with raffle tickets shortly. For only
$1 per ticket, you can take a chance at winning an abortion BOGO! If you’ve
gone all the way to home base lately with a ‘two-run shot,’ you might just want
to execute a double play today! Abort both
your fetuses for the price of one! Anyway, our heartfelt thanks goes out to
that wonderful organization for their kindness and largess. And don’t forget, Democrats
for Immigration Maximization (DIM) and Abortions for A Better Tomorrow are
teaming up to provide dinner tonight in the Marie Stopes Memorial Banquet Hall
through the doors to your right. DIM is serving tacos and Dos Equis, while the
folks at Abortions for A Better Tomorrow will tempt your taste buds with
pigs-in-a-blanket, tender baby back ribs and Bud Light. Dilly, Dilly! Have a
magical night, everybody!”
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