California NAACP Wants "The Star-Spangled Banner" Replaced

California’s NAACP is pushing for state lawmakers to support a campaign to discontinue “The Star-Spangled Banner” as the country’s national anthem. The organization says the song is “one of the most racist, pro-slavery, anti-black songs in the American lexicon,” according to a recent article in the Sacramento Bee. Is that what’s caused wealthy National Football League players, roughly 70 percent of whom are black, to protest the playing of the national anthem by taking a knee, remaining seated, or staying in the locker room? Let’s take a close look at the lyrics in the interest of objectivity:

“Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”

Hmmm. Seems rather inspiring and uplifting, actually. Speaks to freedom. Doesn’t mention race. The song was written about Americans fighting white people to avoid being “disrespected” and marginalized again. Or worse.

Yet the NAACP’s California chapter sent out two recently approved resolutions last month, one calling for removal of the anthem, and another attempting to goad the NFL into placing former player Colin Kaepernick on one of its teams. The erstwhile San Francisco 49’er was the first NFL player to kneel during the national anthem prior to a game, sparking a much wider protest movement. Kaepernick, the African-American multi-millionaire martyr who is finely attuned to the racial injustice inherent in America, was recently named GQ Magazine’s “Citizen of the Year,” and was also feted with Sports Illustrated’s 2017 Muhammad Ali Legacy Award.

California NAACP President Alice Huffman told The Bee, “We owe a lot of it to Kaepernick. I think all this controversy about the knee will go away once the song is removed.”

WTF?! “The knee?” It’s not about knees, it’s about refusing to show respect for what- and who- the anthem represents. Remarking that, “I think all this controversy about the knee will go away once the song is removed” is like saying, “I think all this controversy about the Jews will go away once they are removed.” Or, “All the hubbub over bank-robberies will go away when the banks are all gone.” Or, “All this controversy about sexual harassment will go away once there are no women.”  

Huffman also shared her belief that the U.S. Congress should adopt a new national anthem that’s not “another song that disenfranchises part of the American population.” Alice, the whole point of The Star-Spangled Banner was to unite the American people. The “song” has officially been the nation’s anthem since 1931.

What ballad should replace Francis Scott Key’s tribute to an emerging nation, one uniquely based on the principle of a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, fighting to save itself from an outside aggressor? What tune would be more inclusive, welcoming, and politically correct? In more perfect harmony with today’s mores…or lack thereof? I’ve scoured the web to find the perfect canticle: It is Geto Boy’s, “F*ck a War.” Here are the lyrics to my proposed new American National Anthem:

(Hello, could I speak with Bushwick Bill?)

Hello, this is Bushwick, mother***ing Bill

                (Yes sir, I’m calling to inform you that you have been drafted

Into the Unites States military)

The United States wants me for what? Hahahaha

                (Excuse me sir?)

Hahaha

(Bushwick?)

Hahaha, yeah yeah yeah, hey what’s up?

(You need to contact your nearest recruiting office immediately please)

I see you’re not hip to what’s happenin’

I don’t give a f*ck about you and all that bullsh*t you stressin’

F*ck a war

To explain, let me kick it to you a little something like this:

Motherf*ck a war, that’s how I feel

Sendin’ a nigga to a dentist to get killed

Cause two suckas can’t agree on something

A thousand motherf*ckers died for nothing

You can’t pay me to join an army camp

Or any other mother*ckin’ military branch

Of this United Goddamn States of this bitch America

Be a soldier, what for?

They puttin’ niggas on the front line

But when it comes to getting’ ahead, they put us way behind

I ain’t gettin’ my leg shot off

While Bush old ass on t.v. playin’ golf

But when you come to my house with that draft sh*t

I’ma shoot your funky ass bitch

A nigga’ll die for a broil*

But I ain’t fightin’ behind no gaddamn oil

Against motherf*ckas I don’t know

Yo Bush! I ain’t your damn hoe

The enemy is right here g, them foreigners never did shit to me

All of those wasted lives

And only one or two get recognized

But what good is a medal when you’re dead? Tell Uncle Sam I said

I have previously authored numerous articles on California, a state that, in its totality, is in a very real sense everything progressives accuse President Trump of being: unstable, insane, unfit for office, scary, and in favor of completely destroying the Republic.  

(*Urban Dictionary definition of 'broil': "when intercourse gets so hot you sweat")