LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP...Whatever

                 The Canadian Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario (ETFO) hosted a LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP inclusiveness training session last June. The stated goal? “To become more familiar with current language, sensitive to current issues, and to share best practices in supporting our LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP peers and students.”( I just came across this story last week and it lends further validity to a question I posed in my December 7^th post: “Will we eventually end up with an acronym as the longest ‘word’ in the English language?”).

                “Listen up, kids! We’re going to be covering some exciting new information today! First of all, can you say ‘LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP?’ Take a deep breath and try it now. Pretty good, but let’s practice it a few more times! Okay, that’s good! Now pay attention because I’m going to go over what each letter stands for! Ready? Okay:

                “L- is for Lesbian (remember ‘Heather Has Two Mommies?’)

                G- is for gay. Not like in ‘Don we now our gay apparel,’ although there is gay apparel, though we won’t delve into that until next week…but like the male version of lesbians, right?)

                G- this G is for Genderqueer. This refers to someone who doesn’t subscribe to conventional gender distinctions and roles, but identifies as both, or neither…or something else. Yay! Isn’t that titillating, kiddies?

                B- is for bisexual. That’s self-explanatory, inclusive, and, frankly, kind of hot…isn’t it kids?

                D- is for demisexual. This describes a person who doesn’t experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. This type of cis-normativity was relatively common in years past, but has been more recently revealed to be an anachronistic and inane part of the still-prevailing patriarchy.

                T- is for transgender! These are the boys and girls that dress up like the opposite sex and want equal access to all bathrooms and locker rooms. So cool!

                T- is also for transsexual. Transsexuals have had invasive surgery in an attempt to actually become a member of the opposite sex.

                T- is also, also for ‘Two-Spirit.’ These are Native Americans who feel their bodies simultaneously manifest both a masculine and a feminine spirit, or a different balance of masculine and feminine characteristics than are typically recognized.

    I- Is for intersex. These are folks born with various variations of characteristics that don’t fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies.

   Q- is for queer. This is another term for gay. Queer is normal.

                Q- this q is for questioning. We should all be questioning our sexuality on a daily basis!
                A-     is for asexual. Asexual people have no interest in sex. They are freaks.

                A- is also for allies. These are the only good cis-normative human beings. They are openly, intensely supportive and proud of the full LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP agenda.

         P- stands for pansexual. This is the same as bisexual, but sounds cooler.

               P- also stands for polyamorous. Polyamorous peeps like to have more than one partner, whether at the same time, for the long term, or both. They are inclusive, loving, and like to share.

“It is almost certain, students, that this brief list of socio-sexual diversity will keep expanding rapidly in the future as the patriarchal, radical right-wing, reactionary Republican society we’ve been stuck in for nearly two-and-a-half centuries finally evolves into a beautiful garden of acceptance and inclusivity. Expect furries, incest practitioners, the interspecied, necrophiliacs, and more to be welcomed into the LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP community in the not too distant future. That’s the end of the lesson for today, kids. Tomorrow we’ll dive head first into BDSM. Do you know what those letters stand for?”  

According to a flyer handed out at the function, fewer than one percent of ETFO members were open with their identities, even though half of the public “secretly identifies as LGBT to some extent.” Fewer than one percent of ETFO members were open with their identities?! How do they know this if fewer than one percent of ETFO members were open with their identities?!! Apparently the other 99% are hiding something, probably their latent cis-normativity. The assertion that half of the public “secretly identifies as LGBT to some extent” is preposterous in the extreme. Are they including folks who once watched an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, or who briefly subscribed to GQ magazine? And, again, if they “secretly” identify, how is this known to ETFO? How can this assertion be trusted?

                The flyer added, “If we want students to succeed, if we want to reduce staff anxiety and stress, we need to create a much more welcoming and accepting environment.” Of course, the opposite is true. Steeping the kiddies in the ins and outs of all possible sexual identities and deviancies before they’ve even reached puberty will confuse, stress, disturb, and likely scare students, creating a less welcoming and safe place for their learning environment. It is, in fact, “proactive” child abuse.

LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP ETFO (!) members themselves simply want to feel more accepted, so these “educators” force their young students to deal with their adult teacher’s and administrator’s sexuality issues.

PATHETIC.