PyeongChang, South Korea
Friday, February 9, 2018
Mike Tirico: “Welcome to Hoenggye-ri, South Korea, just
outside of PyeongChang, and the 23rd Winter Olympiad! The start of
the Opening Ceremonies is just a few minutes away, but first we want to bring
you up to speed on some of the most-anticipated events of these XXIII Olympic
Winter Games. What a festive extravaganza it should be here, just over 50 miles
from the Demilitarized Zone and the North Korean border!
“Of course,
everyone is talking about the two North Korean skaters who qualified, and also
the relatively few Russian athletes who’ve avoided performance-enhancing drugs
and who will be allowed to participate as individual athletes under the Olympic Flag.
“Also,
the biathlon and skeleton competitions should be heated this year, and there is
immense speculation about who may win the bomb-dropping and rocket-launching
events. Additionally, the Chinese may have serious competition in the
grenade-toss this go ‘round, as well, from both the hometown South Koreans and
the newly energized American squad.
“Unfortunately, we’d be remiss if
we didn’t mention that things went downhill quickly at the Jeongseon and
Yongpyong Alpine Centers yesterday, when part of both venues literally caved
in- due, it is thought- to another North Korean underground nuclear detonation
at a site less than 100-miles from here.
“On a
lighter note, these are the very first Winter
Games with a water venue. Various navies from the Pacific Rim countries as well
as the United States are expected to entertain observers with a new
demonstration sport, called ‘naval chicken,’ to take place on the Pacific
Ocean. The North Koreans had petitioned the IOC to participate in a separate
new demonstration sport they proposed, ‘airport tag,’ but the Hermit Kingdom’s
request was turned down by the Olympic governing body. However, the IOC did
okay yet another new demonstration sport, ‘hide-and-heat-seeking-missile.’
“Folks,
with the ubiquitousness of social media, a new feature has been added to this,
the Games of the 23rd Winter Olympiad: an open Twitter match. The
2018 Winter Olympic Game’s Twitter Open will be a battle waged across the
Twitterverse for world tweeting supremacy. The Americans, led by President
Donald J. Trump himself, are expected to reach the finals to tweet it out for
gold against the similarly explosive North Korean squad, anchored by that Dear
Leader, Kim Jong-Un. While these two nations remain heavy favorites going into
the competition, anything can happen in a contest like this.
“Well
folks, the Opening Ceremonies will be starting in just 2 minutes. Stick around
if you can, it should be a blast. But first, a word from our sponsors.”
[Fade]
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