Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Kim Jong Un Controls The Weather?

                According to the USA Today, North Korea’s Rodong Sinmun, the official state newspaper (akin to our New York Times when a Democrat occupies the White House), reported that Kim Jong Un has the power…to control the weather. The mouthpiece of the Hermit Kingdom said that when the Dear Leader “ascended” to the top of Mount Paektu, an active volcano, a raging blizzard stopped and “fine weather unprecedented commenced.”
                The Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), also state-controlled, praised that report and referred to Kim Jong Un as their “peerlessly illustrious commander” who “controls the nature.” This is but one of a long line of claims regarding Kim’s ruling family.
                North Korean state media has previously asserted that Kim Jong Il, Un’s father, was born atop Mount Paektu. They also claimed that, at the precise moment of his birth, a new star lit up the sky and winter abruptly morphed into spring…as a double rainbow appeared. And that, when he died, a glowing message appeared on the mountain’s rocks. They also averred that the first time he played golf he made 11 holes-in-one. But even that pales in comparison to their assertion that Jong Il never needed to use the restroom because his body was so well-calibrated he didn’t need to relieve himself.
                And some say communism is a delusion!
                The Hermit Kingdom’s stalwart scriveners have also stated that Kim Jong Il began walking at three weeks of age, and speaking at eight weeks. (Yes, quite. And at 10 weeks he could fly, and by 12 weeks he was teaching pigs to fly).
                The so-called journalists in the North’s Deep State even claim Kim Jong Il invented the hamburger. (This must’ve even been before Al Gore invented the internet)!
                As someone once said, “What’ll they think of next?”
                It is fun to mock these preposterous claims, but, in fairness, America’s own Deep State newspapers, the aforementioned New York Times and the equally unctuous (as regards progressives) Washington Post, are not exactly bastions of objectivity and have, in the Trumpian Era, lost what little credibility they may have had.
                The difference is that the North Korean spokes-papers absurdly laud their current leader and his family, whereas the American ones incessantly and irrationally attack them.


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