Even the New York Times (“The Truth!”) isn’t as blatantly biased as the Korean Central News Agency. Nor is it nearly as funny. Well, it’s almost as biased, but nowhere near as funny. The former is in large part because the KCNA is state-run, and must be the government’s lackey and mouthpiece under punishment of death. The Times, on the other hand, is deep-state-run, and only acts as a governmental mouthpiece when Democrats are in power, lest those associated with it be shunned, mocked, denigrated, and/or left uninvited to all the swankiest establishment soirées. The latter is because the Times takes itself too seriously.
South Korea recently reached an agreement with the U.S. to remove warhead weight limits on its ballistic missiles to allow them to fly further in response to the Hermit Kingdom’s existential threat. The KCNA then further burnished its reputation for literary lunacy by characterizing the agreement as the “South Korea puppet army” acting like “a rabid dog startled by thunder.”
But, turns out, it was just warming up. It added: “Such attempt after the DPRK’s ICBM launch and H-bomb test is no more than a ridiculous act of a mudfish trying to become a dragon in the sky. This is a special cartoon showing their poor position as puppet and colonial servant who can do nothing without approval of the master.”
Wow. Hard to characterize that. “Mudfish trying to become a dragon in the sky?” At least it’s not a cliché.
And, after the United Nations passed a measure imposing additional sanctions on the rogue nation, it reported the pudgy Pyongyang Psycho’s vow that, in retaliation, North Korea was “ready to use a form of ultimate means,” and that the U.S. would be made to feel the “greatest pain it has ever experienced in its history.” The KCNA apparently forgot that we lived through a civil war and the Carter presidency.
Still more recently there was this report: “Through the two successful ICBM test-launches the DPRK has put the whole U.S. mainland in its striking range and clearly showed that it can turn the American empire into a sea in flames through sudden surprise attack from any region and area. Whatever means and methods the U.S. may employ, they will never work on the DPRK. The U.S. fate is in the hands of the DPRK. If the U.S. and South Korean warmongers persist in reckless action in disregard of our repeated warnings, we will decisively take a strong retaliatory step.” Avoiding redundancy is clearly not a strong suit of North Korean ‘journalists.’
An editorial in a different state-run paper described the U.S. as a “war merchant living on human blood,” while the KCNA claimed the U.S. “would meet horrible nuclear strike and miserable and final ruin” if it attacked the Hermit Kingdom.
It also stated: “The DPRK has won a shining victory in the standoff with the U.S. Now no one can disregard the immense national strength and potentiality of the DPRK and deny its strategic position as a responsible nuclear weapons state with a great clout.” Responsible? Responsible nuclear weapons states don’t tout their “great clout.”
Fairly bursting now with false-pride and fanatical fervor, the paper could not contain itself: “The U.S. has tightened sanctions and blockade by mobilizing its vassal forces to stifle the DPRK. But it could not check the advance of the army and people of the DPRK. The U.S., styling itself as a superpower while boasting of its strength before other big powers, is in mortal fear of the DPRK.”
The preposterously partisan paper published even more recent statements from the Dear Leader, in which he called President Trump a “mentally deranged U.S. dotard.” This had to have caused many in the American mainstream media to doff their caps to Jong-Un, as that’s essentially the same way they themselves characterize the president, though I haven’t heard of any going quite so far into their thesauruses. Jong-Un also called Trump’s U.N. speech “unprecedented rude nonsense.” We all know the Dear Leader would never be “rude.”
Finally, KCNA reports, Kim Jong-Un boasted: “I will make the man holding the prerogative of the supreme command in the U.S. pay dearly for his speech. I am now thinking hard about what response he could have expected when he allowed such eccentric words to trip off his tongue. Whatever Trump might have expected, he will face results beyond his expectation,” Kim said, adding that he would “tame” Trump “with fire.”
The KCNA…fair and balanced.
The New York Times couldn’t have said it better.