Even the New York Times (“The Truth!”) isn’t as blatantly
biased as the Korean Central News Agency. Nor is it nearly as funny. Well, it’s
almost as biased, but nowhere near as funny. The former is in
large part because the KCNA is state-run, and must be the government’s lackey
and mouthpiece under punishment of death. The Times, on the other hand, is deep-state-run, and only acts as a
governmental mouthpiece when Democrats are in power, lest those associated with
it be shunned, mocked, denigrated, and/or left uninvited to all the swankiest
establishment soirées. The latter is because the Times takes itself too seriously.
South Korea recently reached an agreement
with the U.S. to remove warhead weight limits on its ballistic missiles to
allow them to fly further in response to the Hermit Kingdom’s existential
threat. The KCNA then further burnished its reputation for literary lunacy by
characterizing the agreement as the “South Korea puppet army” acting like “a
rabid dog startled by thunder.”
Good one.
But, turns out, it was just warming
up. It added: “Such attempt after the DPRK’s ICBM launch and H-bomb test is no
more than a ridiculous act of a mudfish trying to become a dragon in the sky.
This is a special cartoon showing their poor position as puppet and colonial
servant who can do nothing without approval of the master.”
Wow. Hard to characterize that. “Mudfish trying to become a dragon
in the sky?” At least it’s not a cliché.
And, after the United Nations
passed a measure imposing additional sanctions on the rogue nation, it reported
the pudgy Pyongyang Psycho’s vow that, in retaliation, North Korea was “ready
to use a form of ultimate means,” and that the U.S. would be made to feel the
“greatest pain it has ever experienced in its history.” The KCNA apparently
forgot that we lived through a civil war and
the Carter presidency.
Still more recently there was this
report: “Through the two successful ICBM test-launches the DPRK has put the
whole U.S. mainland in its striking range and clearly showed that it can turn
the American empire into a sea in flames through sudden surprise attack from
any region and area. Whatever means and methods the U.S. may employ, they will
never work on the DPRK. The U.S. fate is in the hands of the DPRK. If the U.S.
and South Korean warmongers persist in reckless action in disregard of our
repeated warnings, we will decisively take a strong retaliatory step.” Avoiding
redundancy is clearly not a strong suit of North Korean ‘journalists.’
An editorial in a different
state-run paper described the U.S. as a “war merchant living on human blood,”
while the KCNA claimed the U.S. “would meet horrible nuclear strike and
miserable and final ruin” if it attacked the Hermit Kingdom.
It also stated: “The DPRK has won a
shining victory in the standoff with the U.S. Now no one can disregard the
immense national strength and potentiality of the DPRK and deny its strategic
position as a responsible nuclear weapons state with a great clout.” Responsible? Responsible nuclear weapons
states don’t tout their “great clout.”
Fairly bursting now with
false-pride and fanatical fervor, the paper could not contain itself: “The U.S.
has tightened sanctions and blockade by mobilizing its vassal forces to stifle
the DPRK. But it could not check the advance of the army and people of the
DPRK. The U.S., styling itself as a superpower while boasting of its strength
before other big powers, is in mortal fear of the DPRK.”
The preposterously partisan paper
published even more recent statements from the Dear Leader, in which he called
President Trump a “mentally deranged U.S. dotard.” This had to have caused many
in the American mainstream media to doff their caps to Jong-Un, as that’s
essentially the same way they themselves characterize the president, though I
haven’t heard of any going quite so far into their thesauruses. Jong-Un also
called Trump’s U.N. speech “unprecedented rude nonsense.” We all know the Dear
Leader would never be “rude.”
Finally, KCNA reports, Kim Jong-Un
boasted: “I will make the man holding the prerogative of the supreme command in
the U.S. pay dearly for his speech. I am now thinking hard about what response
he could have expected when he allowed such eccentric words to trip off his
tongue. Whatever Trump might have expected, he will face results beyond his
expectation,” Kim said, adding that he would “tame” Trump “with fire.”
The KCNA…fair and balanced.
The New York Times couldn’t have
said it better.
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