The recent decision by certain movie theaters to stop
showing the classic film “Gone with the Wind,” due to its portrayal of
plantation-era life, has brought home the urgency of scouring all the films
ever made for their adherence- or lack thereof- to political correctness. In
the interest of public service, I have completed the Herculean task of watching
every single one of the movies the American Film Institute (AFI) ranked as the
Top 100 ever made.
The
results are depressing, to say the least. I cannot, in good conscience,
recommend even a single flick from the lauded list, which comprises many
decades of Hollywood hits. The litany of effrontery and opprobrium contained in
these movies may be unprecedented in human history.
To
whit:
*“Citizen
Kane”- The cast of this supposed classic is far too white.
*“Casablanca”-
There is far too much drinking and cigarette smoking- and not nearly enough
marijuana toking- in this film, rendering it out-of-touch, and unfit for the
times.
*“Gone
with the Wind”- Yikes! Cotton fields, “The Old South,” chivalry, gallantry. No
wonder no one wants to show it anymore! May it be gone with the wind and permanently
erased from our memories.
*”It’s
a Wonderful Life”- Essentially all white cast. Even the snow is white. And it’s
a black and white movie. Also, it
portrays Christmas in a positive light.
*”The
Godfather”- Unflattering depiction of Italians. Oh, wait, nobody cares about
that. But severed horse head implies violence against innocent animals.
*”The
Wizard of Oz”- Unflattering portrayal of witches; takes place in Kansas. Ugh.
*”One
Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”- Unflattering portrayal of mental illness.
*”To
Kill a Mocking Bird”- Racial issues, microagressions…and a terroristic threat
to an innocent and talented avian as a title?! Shame.
*”The
Best Years of Our Lives”- Some scenes include people smoking cigarettes.
*”The
Birth of a Nation”- Please…racial issues, the birth of this nation, etc. Nothing good about it.
*”Taxi
Driver”- Unflattering portrayal of taxi drivers.
*”Snow
White and the Seven Dwarfs”- Seriously? Do I have to explain it? Just white
isn’t white enough, it has to be snow white? And dwarfs? Really? I need a
puppy, warm cookies and some Play-Doh.
*”Frankenstein”-
Unflattering portrayal of a monster.
*”My
Fair Lady”- Disturbing title; Implies that all those who speak well are better
off. Class issues.
*”Goodfellas”-
Non-inclusive title, unflattering portrayal of Italians. Oh, I forgot, no one
cares about that, they’re white.
*”The African
Queen”- Male lead calls the female lead a “skinny old maid.”
*”The
Maltese Falcon”- Lead character’s name is Sam Spade. I think we all know what
that means. Another character is called “The fat man.” Brutal.
*”Mr.
Smith Goes to Washington”- Cast too white and too male. Why “Mr. Smith” and not
“Ms. Smith?” Better yet, why not a transgender, mulatto bisexual or a handicapped
Muslim man in that role?
*”King
Kong”- Why “King” and not “Queen?” Unflattering portrayal of a giant simian.
Women made to appear helpless. Disgusting on all levels.
*”Yankee
Doodle Dandy”- Nauseatingly nationalistic, xenophobic, patriotic pablum passed
off as a movie musical. Frightening. Dangerous. Too white. Also, a scene of FDR
smoking.
See
what I mean? And I’ve only commented on 20% of the “Top 100” movies. These “hate
flicks” have to be destroyed. If you happen to own any of these, in any form,
burn them or otherwise render them unwatchable immediately! (They already are
unwatchable from an enlightened moral standpoint)!
If your
local theater is playing one of these abominations, picket it promptly! If your
cable company or dish provider is playing these titles, send them formal
written protests. Start an online petition to ban them forever. Do something!
And
remember, “Hey, hey, ho, ho, Western celluloid has got to go!”
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