Saturday, September 2, 2017

"Gone With The Wind" Banned- More To Come?

                The recent decision by certain movie theaters to stop showing the classic film “Gone with the Wind,” due to its portrayal of plantation-era life, has brought home the urgency of scouring all the films ever made for their adherence- or lack thereof- to political correctness. In the interest of public service, I have completed the Herculean task of watching every single one of the movies the American Film Institute (AFI) ranked as the Top 100 ever made.
                The results are depressing, to say the least. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend even a single flick from the lauded list, which comprises many decades of Hollywood hits. The litany of effrontery and opprobrium contained in these movies may be unprecedented in human history.

                To whit:

                *“Citizen Kane”- The cast of this supposed classic is far too white.
                *“Casablanca”- There is far too much drinking and cigarette smoking- and not nearly enough marijuana toking- in this film, rendering it out-of-touch, and unfit for the times.
                *“Gone with the Wind”- Yikes! Cotton fields, “The Old South,” chivalry, gallantry. No wonder no one wants to show it anymore! May it be gone with the wind and permanently erased from our memories.
                *”It’s a Wonderful Life”- Essentially all white cast. Even the snow is white. And it’s a black and white movie. Also, it portrays Christmas in a positive light.
                *”The Godfather”- Unflattering depiction of Italians. Oh, wait, nobody cares about that. But severed horse head implies violence against innocent animals.
                *”The Wizard of Oz”- Unflattering portrayal of witches; takes place in Kansas. Ugh.
                *”One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”- Unflattering portrayal of mental illness.
                *”To Kill a Mocking Bird”- Racial issues, microagressions…and a terroristic threat to an innocent and talented avian as a title?! Shame.
                *”The Best Years of Our Lives”- Some scenes include people smoking cigarettes.
                *”The Birth of a Nation”- Please…racial issues, the birth of this nation, etc. Nothing good about it.
                *”Taxi Driver”- Unflattering portrayal of taxi drivers.
                *”Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”- Seriously? Do I have to explain it? Just white isn’t white enough, it has to be snow white? And dwarfs? Really? I need a puppy, warm cookies and some Play-Doh.
                *”Frankenstein”- Unflattering portrayal of a monster.
                *”My Fair Lady”- Disturbing title; Implies that all those who speak well are better off. Class issues.
                *”Goodfellas”- Non-inclusive title, unflattering portrayal of Italians. Oh, I forgot, no one cares about that, they’re white.
                *”The African Queen”- Male lead calls the female lead a “skinny old maid.”
                *”The Maltese Falcon”- Lead character’s name is Sam Spade. I think we all know what that means. Another character is called “The fat man.” Brutal.
                *”Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”- Cast too white and too male. Why “Mr. Smith” and not “Ms. Smith?” Better yet, why not a transgender, mulatto bisexual or a handicapped Muslim man in that role?
                *”King Kong”- Why “King” and not “Queen?” Unflattering portrayal of a giant simian. Women made to appear helpless. Disgusting on all levels.
                *”Yankee Doodle Dandy”- Nauseatingly nationalistic, xenophobic, patriotic pablum passed off as a movie musical. Frightening. Dangerous. Too white. Also, a scene of FDR smoking.
                See what I mean? And I’ve only commented on 20% of the “Top 100” movies. These “hate flicks” have to be destroyed. If you happen to own any of these, in any form, burn them or otherwise render them unwatchable immediately! (They already are unwatchable from an enlightened moral standpoint)!
                If your local theater is playing one of these abominations, picket it promptly! If your cable company or dish provider is playing these titles, send them formal written protests. Start an online petition to ban them forever. Do something!

                And remember, “Hey, hey, ho, ho, Western celluloid has got to go!”


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