Monday, September 18, 2017

If Nancy Pelosi Was President Of The United States

                           If Nancy Pelosi Was President Of The United States

October 10, 2017
White House Press Conference:

President Pelosi: “I want everyone to know, I’ve tried hard to work with President Bush, but- “

Reporter: “You are the president, ma’am!”

President Pelosi: “Oh, well you have to elect me so you can see what I’d do, what policies I’d- “

Reporter: “Again, you are president, Madam President.”

Rep. Maxine Waters: “Um, of Korea.”

Reporter: “No, Representative Waters, of the United States.”

Former President Obama: “All 57 of them!”

Reporter: “Anyway, President Pelosi, since Vice-President RuPaul has stepped down over, ummm, well, you know… "ethics concerns," the people want to know who you’d pick to replace him, if you had your druthers. Or who you might pick as your running-mate in the re-election campaign for 2020.”

President Pelosi: “My brothers? No, I don’t think…gosh…that I’d pick one of my brothers…”

Reporter: “Druthers, President Pelosi, druthers. Well, never mind- “

President Pelosi: “I do have a short list of those I’m considering.”

Reporter: “Please…”

President Pelosi: “Let’s see, Frank, there’s- “

Reporter: “It’s Wolf, Madam President…Wolf Blitzer.”

President Pelosi: “You’re wrong, Frank. Blitzer is a reindeer. You know, like Dancer and Prancer and- “

Wolf Blitzer: “For God’s sake! Um, I mean with all due respect, Madam President, please continue with your list. And it’s Blitzen!”

President Pelosi: “Never cry wolf, Blitzen! At least not in a crowded movie theater. Anyhow, where was I?”

Rep. Maxine Waters: “Korea.”

President Pelosi: “Oh, yeah. Well, I am considering Gus Hall, Blitzen. You know he actually ran for president.”

Wolf Blitzer: “That he did, Madam President. Four times, in fact. Lost ‘em all. Unfortunately, however, the old Communist is dead.”

President Pelosi: “Oh my gosh! Did we send flowers?”

Rep. Maxine Waters: “Gennifer Flowers?”

Wolf Blitzer: “Not Gennifer Flowers. And Gus died back in the year 2000, so- “

President Pelosi: “Oh. And there’s also…the head of Planned Parenthood, uh…?”

Rep. Maxine Waters: “Chick Korea?”

Wolf Blitzer: “No, representative Waters, Chick Corea…with a ‘C’… is a jazz pianist. He is not now, nor has he ever been, president of Planned Parenthood. That would be Cecile Richards, ma’am.”

President Pelosi: “I know. I’ve tried very hard to work with President Richards, and- “

Former President Obama: “You are the president, President Pelosi.”

Wolf Blitzer: “Oh, for God’s sake…”


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