The University of Arizona recently distributed a 20-page booklet recommending to faculty
that when a student feels “victimized” by a “microaggression” the appropriate
response should be to say “ouch.” And the correct response from the offender should be to say “oops.”
Why
not, “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to
you!” and “nuh-uh,” respectively? It
would be cleverer than the booklets suggestions.
The
sage advice just keeps leaping from the truncated treatise’s pages: “If
necessary, there can be further dialogue about this exchange.” Dialogue?! The
easily offended young scholars will be regular Shakespeares in no time! I’d
hate to hear the school’s debate team in action:
“Is
not!”
“Is!”
“Is
not!”
One certainly
gets good bang for one’s educational buck at the U of A! Why, the booklet even
offers a definition of microagressions, stating that they are “the everyday
verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs or insults, whether
intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative
messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group
membership.”
First
off, how do you slight, snub or insult somebody environmentally?
“This
orange wallpaper is hideous, don’t you think?”
“Are
you kidding, it’s to die for. Ouch!”
Or
perhaps, “This stupid tree has dripped sap all over my bike”
“Oh…my…God.
I mean, OMG! We couldn’t breathe without trees, dude. In fact, I can’t breathe
now! Ouch!”
Secondly,
whatever happened to the melting pot, to all of us just being Americans? No one is an American
anymore, we are all a member of some supposedly marginalized sub-group. We
should all take offense at that.
All you
pathetic, entitled, fragile, paranoid, leftist sheep can take your perceived
microaggressions and shove them up your little snowflake asses.
Ouch?
Oops.
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