NOAA News-- March 18, 2017
Silver Spring, Maryland-
It is mid March and Mother Nature is transitioning. In fact, he just announced that he now identities as a male and wishes to be called Father Nature going forward. The powerful but fickle ruler of the Earth’s atmosphere and weather released a statement earlier today in which he said he was tired of “working so hard yet getting blamed for everything.” He said that he’s always felt more masculine than feminine, and that this will bring him into “equilibrium.” He also believes that it might attract less notice, and be more socially acceptable if he “ran off for awhile” as Father Nature as opposed to Mother Nature. Nature respectfully requests that people hereafter use the pronoun “zim” when referring to zim.
In a related story, Father Time came out as non-binary, time-space continuum questioning within hours of Father Nature’s announcement, and henceforth wishes to be known as “Parental Unit Time,” or “Pat.”