Thursday, March 16, 2017

New York Times, Washington Post Have New Ad Slogans!

                 Many of the nation’s top newspapers- purveyors of fake news almost all- have attempted to step up their marketing game recently via cheesy, fallacious sloganeering.  The New York Times has essentially positioned itself as “the Truth,” while the Washington Post, not to be outdone, has come up with, “Democracy dies in darkness.” Talk about an inflated sense of self-worth! I, for one, can’t wait for other major American newspapers to come out with their new slogans to jibe with the new age piffle. Let’s speculate on what these might be, shall we?  
                The USA Today: “The Light and the Way.”
                The Los Angeles Times: “Because you can’t handle the truth.”
                The Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.”
                The Milwaukee Journal: “The less we know, the more we suspect.”
                The Miami Herald: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
                The Minneapolis StarTribune: “Run to the light, Carol Anne.”
                The Baltimore Sun: “No one is infallible. But we are.”
                The Denver Post: “Exactitude, dude!”
                The Portland Oregonian: “Veracity in print.”
                The Seattle Intelligencer: “The naked truth.”
                The San Francisco Chronicle: “Diverse. Tolerant. Righteous. Benevolent.”
                The Sacramento Bee: “Perfection on Earth.”
                The St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “Unimpeachable. Beatific.”
                The Detroit Free Press: “One, two, three, four, frag the rich to feed the poor!”
                The Columbus Dispatch: “Beneficence writ large.”
                The Orlando Sentinel: “Wisdom for the ages.”
                The Boston Globe: “America’s most recyclable newspaper.”
                The Hartford Courant: “Empyrean.”

                It isn’t hard to see why these purveyors of prevarication are going the way of the dodo. The less honest their reporting becomes, the more outrageous their sloganeering. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s hard to paper over the fact that they’re no longer worth the paper they’re printed on.

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