Washington, D.C.
November 5, 2016-
In a stunning revelation that had this
town buzzing today, Hillary Clinton proclaimed that she- not
husband/former president William Jefferson Clinton- was the first member of her
household to have “relations” with Monica Lewinsky. At an informal news conference
earlier today she made the following pronouncement:
“Monica first snapped her thong at me months before her now well-known
oval-office tryst with Bill! I must admit, I jumped at the chance, even though
I’m normally not into brunettes. I mean, Bill and I weren’t exactly lighting up
the sheets at the time, if you know what I mean. At least not together. Indeed,
on one occasion, Monica was servicing me while I was on the phone with Bill
talking about the Vince Foster cover-up…I mean suicide, hahaha! However, I
never had penetration of that woman, not a
single time…never! And I don’t even smoke cigars. So maybe it wasn’t
really sex.”
Some pundits are skeptical about the
timing of the announcement, coming as it did less than 72 hours before Election
Day. Indeed, many are speculating that Hillary is just trying to give her presidential-election campaign an
added boost, particularly as her lead over Donald Trump has shrunk dramatically
in the past couple of weeks. They say she is fixated on how beloved Bill is
now- one of the most popular former presidents in history- and on how his poll
numbers actually rose during his presidency after his affair
with Lewinsky and subsequent impeachment proceedings. Former President
Clinton’s average first term approval rating was 50%. Yet, after the Lewinsky
affair was made public in early 1998 and his subsequent impeachment later that
year his approval ratings soared to 73%. One
MSNBC political analyst said her “hunch” is that Hillary isn’t telling the
truth about her purported “relations” with Lewinsky, which she claims probably
never happened, but has fabricated and made public the story purely for
political gain.
She
added “you go girl,” and “I’m with her!”
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