November 5, 2016-
In a stunning revelation that had this town buzzing today, Hillary Clinton proclaimed that she- not husband/former president William Jefferson Clinton- was the first member of her household to have “relations” with Monica Lewinsky. At an informal news conference earlier today she made the following pronouncement:
“Monica first snapped her thong at me months before her now well-known oval-office tryst with Bill! I must admit, I jumped at the chance, even though I’m normally not into brunettes. I mean, Bill and I weren’t exactly lighting up the sheets at the time, if you know what I mean. At least not together. Indeed, on one occasion, Monica was servicing me while I was on the phone with Bill talking about the Vince Foster cover-up…I mean suicide, hahaha! However, I never had penetration of that woman, not a single time…never! And I don’t even smoke cigars. So maybe it wasn’t really sex.”
Some pundits are skeptical about the timing of the announcement, coming as it did less than 72 hours before Election Day. Indeed, many are speculating that Hillary is just trying to give her presidential-election campaign an added boost, particularly as her lead over Donald Trump has shrunk dramatically in the past couple of weeks. They say she is fixated on how beloved Bill is now- one of the most popular former presidents in history- and on how his poll numbers actually rose during his presidency after his affair with Lewinsky and subsequent impeachment proceedings. Former President Clinton’s average first term approval rating was 50%. Yet, after the Lewinsky affair was made public in early 1998 and his subsequent impeachment later that year his approval ratings soared to 73%. One MSNBC political analyst said her “hunch” is that Hillary isn’t telling the truth about her purported “relations” with Lewinsky, which she claims probably never happened, but has fabricated and made public the story purely for political gain.
She added “you go girl,” and “I’m with her!”