Ohio Man Has Sex With Van

                A Dayton, Ohio man was recently arrested for allegedly engaging in public fornication…with a van.

                An eyewitness called 911 and reported seeing the suspect pull down his pants- exposing his genitalia- and subsequently “sticking his genitals in the grill of a red van,” according to news reports. The caller said the man appeared to be intoxicated, as he passed out in a yard upon completion of his vehicular tryst. The caller added that the man got up some time later and stumbled away.

                A second caller led police to a nearby street where the man was discovered walking along clad only in shorts and shoes. He was apprehended without incident and was taken to a police station and charged with public indecency. The officers also tracked down the owner of the van, who said he saw the miscreant passed out in the yard, but nothing before that.

                NAMVLA, the North American Man Vehicle Love Association, promptly tweeted out its support for the car lover, and is pushing for the legalization of man-vehicle marriage in all 50 states.

                An acquaintance of the man remarked that he “had favored white vans in the past,” but was “maybe in a mid-life crisis or just experimenting.”

                The red van, when reached for comment, stated that it just hopes the man “calls or writes soon,” and that “next time we can go to dinner and a show first.”