Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Philadelphia Couple Beaten To Death By Own Son

                 A suburban Philadelphia couple was recently beaten to death by their own son while inside their New Jersey home, authorities said Saturday, according to a Fox News report. Edward Coles Jr., 58, and his wife Rosemarie Coles, 55, of West Deptford, were found dead by another family member Friday morning. The couple's son, 28-year-old Ryan Coles, was arrested on murder and weapons charges. His bail was set at one million dollars. The Gloucester County Prosecutor's Office said that the couple died from "blunt head trauma" and alleged that Ryan Coles had bludgeoned his parents "with his hands and an unknown object."
                 Richard Head, a spokesman for the Sons-Beating-Their-Own-Parents-To-Death-In-Their-Homes Community expressed sympathy for Ryan and outrage over the outrage that his acts have engendered, particularly among those he categorized as “dangerous, radical, Alt-right extremist groups.” Head said: “Ryan is a very sensitive person. He saw a Donald Trump campaign commercial on television- there was no trigger or content warning!-and he may have overreacted, though both of his parents were Trump supporters. I say ‘Let those without sin cast the first stone’ at Ryan.”
                In related news,  17-year-old Brittanee Drexel, who vanished from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina in 2009, was repeatedly raped in a gang “stash house” for several days –  and was subsequently shot dead and fed to alligators when her disappearance generated too much media attention, the FBI stated last week.
                Karl Stalin, a representative of the ACLU, is pleading for leniency for her killers, stating that: “the Repeatedly-Raping-Shooting-Dead-And-Feeding-Others-To-Alligators Community is not just “poorly served,” but “overtly discriminated against in the United States.” Stalin added, “The wheels of social justice spin slowly in America, but change does occur.  Gay marriage and  transgender bathroom rights weren’t even on the agenda for most of the 20th Century, but now are firmly established. Increasing inclusiveness- and tolerance of others not like oneself- will eventually spread to other groups, hopefully including the Repeatedly-Raping-Shooting-Dead-And-Feeding-Others-To-Alligators Community.”

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