Kamala Harris Around the World
Vice-President Kamala Harris famously channeled her inner Pepé Le Pew when speaking to French scientists recently while on a visit to a COVID-19 lab at the Pasteur Institute in Paris. She shamelessly attempted to ingratiate herself with her French audience by stating, “One of the things people in politics and government should really take from the approach of scientists — scientists operate with a hypothesis. I love that.” Well, who doesn’t like a good hypothesis now and then?
But then Harris said that, by contrast, politicians tend to stay with “de plan” no matter what. She repeated “de plan,” sounding more like Tattoo on “The Love Boat” than a French scientist investigating COVID-19. Pathetic.
My hypothesis is that Harris is so devoid of originality, such an empty suit, that she would continue her charade anywhere she gets sent. Which might explain why she is being sent so few places.
That said, let’s imagine what she might utter in various places at various times.
*Vice-President Kamala Harris while at a restaurant in Italy, ostensibly to discuss the effects of lockdowns on eating establishments, after taking a bite of the local fare: “Mama Mia, dat’s a spicy meat-a-ball, no? But notta so hard to digest as a having to close your ‘ristorante’ I bet, heh, heh.”
*In Israel (with Yarmulke on her head), addressing that nation’s restaurant owners: “Who doesn’t love Matzah balls, except maybe goyim? Am I right or am I right, my mensch?”
*In Germany, at an Octoberfest celebration: “Du are alles bier lovers, ja? And du like polka music, richtig? And probably martial music, too, ja? Heh, heh.”
*In Canada, for Boxing Day celebrations: “So, like, how’s it going, eh? It’s kinda cold up here in the Great White North, eh? But you guys don’t seem to mind it, eh? I mean, you’ve got your ice-‘hokey’ and your back-bacon and your Molson, eh? I’ve got nothing agāinst that, eh? And I guess you guys like boxing, too, since you set aside a day to celebrate it, eh?”
*In Kentucky for the Kentucky Derby: “How are ‘ya’all’ doin’ here in ‘Canetuck?’ You folks love horses like Donald Trump loves conspiracy theories, right, heh, heh, heh?!”
*In Wisconsin, at a Green Bay Packers game: “Hi fellow cheese-heads. Get yer deer yet? That Aaron Rogers, he is ‘something’! But you know I love me some ‘Spotted Cow!’”
*In Japan for Coming-of-Age Day (squints eyes and bows down slightly, while placing hands together and smiling inscrutably at her interlocutors): “Oh, ahso, how are you today…”