Saturday, February 22, 2020

Marvel Studios To Introduce Bisexual Spider-Man

            Even Aldous Huxley would be surprised. It may not be A Brave New World we’re entering, but it is certainly a strange—if gay-- new world.
Sony Corporation is intent on introducing a bevy of LGBTQ characters into its wildly successful Marvel Cinematic Universe in the near future. According to the entertainment blog We Got This Covered, the company “is developing a live-action ‘Spider-Verse’ movie” that would feature a bisexual Spider-Man. Andrew Garfield, who played the lead in “The Amazing Spider-Man” and “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” a number of years ago, floated the notion of a gay Spider-Man during an interview with Entertainment Weekly way back in 2013. Garfield’s replacement, Tom Holland, has apparently also lobbied for a gay Spider-Man. The We Got This Covered report claimed that Marvel Studios “is particularly keen on getting Garfield back, as they want to portray his version of the hero as bisexual and give him a boyfriend in the film.” Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige had already recently confirmed that Marvel would soon be debuting an openly transgender superhero.
Feige appeared at the New York Film Academy last October where he was asked if the studio had plans to introduce more LGBTQ characters into the universe, in particular trans characters. He promptly replied, “Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Very soon. In a movie we’re shooting right now.” Feige. Is. An. Eager beaver.
And why not? Who wouldn’t thrill to a universe of totally woke, intersectionally inspired super-heroes? Sure, any member of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or questioning community is, by definition, a super-hero, but how awesome will they be when they truly have super-powers, as well?! Spider-Man is already part man and part spider, or transspecied if you will. If he is made to be bisexual, too, the intersectional diversity will be breathtaking to witness. And Marvel will have just scratched the surface of politically correct potential.  
Ironman could come out as non-binary. He could be Ironman one moment and Iron Maiden the next. He/she could state that “they” and “them” are his/her preferred pronouns. Mysterio could be anything at all or nothing—at the same time. Captain America could be presented as a Marxist, atheistic, bisexual, mulatto she-male. What fun! Pepper Potts could be reintroduced as the first lesbian prostitute super-hero. Hulk could question his gender, ethnicity, sexuality and color. That would give the kiddies something to think about! Dr. Strange could give hormone treatments to a new crop of very young super-heroes…and perform abortions, as well. The Scarlet Witch, Ultron, Ego, Thanos, Carol Danvers, Red Skull, the Winter Soldier, Nebula, Falcon, Loki and the Black Widow could be involved in “throuples,” orgies, polyamory, bestiality and hybristophilia. With 73 genders and total sexual fluidity, and a little Hollywood imagination and creativity, there’s no end to the possible prurient permutations. (Look for Marvel’s new film, “Masterbator of the Universe.” It’s coming soon…to a theater near you. A new character, Steely Dan, has a super-power you have to see to believe!)
This new and improved group of super-heroes will stand before you, larger than life, and Proudly proclaim their PRIDE: “Tremble before our tolerance! Be wowed by our wokeness! Pander to our political correctness! Drink in our diversity! Kowtow to our kink! We are fierce! We are queer! We are fabulous! And we are…in…your…face!”

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