Wednesday, February 12, 2020

MSNBC: Breaking News February 14, 2020

MSNBC—Friday, February 14, 2020

“Good evening. It was another record week for the stock market, but that has been completely overshadowed by breaking news of bombshell revelations pertaining to yet more malfeasance by President Donald J. Trump. Washington has been rocked by the latest reports, this time pertaining to a series of incidents, that, if proven, will surely lead to the president’s ouster. In what some of Trump’s opponents are calling the ‘Valentine’s Day Massacre,’ allegations kept coming throughout the day. First off, early this morning, anonymous sources claimed that the president has knowingly—and possibly premeditatively— refused to take a one-stroke penalty after incorrectly placing his ball marker on several different occasions while playing golf during his presidency. Democrats have pledged to investigate the allegations thoroughly and are planning hearings in the House starting tomorrow morning. Not long after this story broke, another anonymous source alleged that Trump bet his own Vice-President, Mike Pence, $10 that LSU would defeat Clemson in the recent college football national championship game. Gambling of this sort is illegal, and, if these allegations are proven accurate, it would also show favoritism and a lack of judgement on the part of both Trump and Pence. Democrats in the House quickly vowed to fully investigate the matter and are also expected to demand that Trump and Pence submit to treatment for gambling addiction. Then, just after noon Eastern time, a third whistle-blower came forward to state that he overheard one of the president’s childhood friends say that Trump used a #4 pencil in place of the mandatory #2 pencil on an 8th-grade social studies unit test in 1961. The whistle-blower, who Trump supporters claim works for the Bernie Sanders campaign, was immediately placed into the witness protection program by Democrats. In the interest of journalistic integrity, it should be noted that there is absolutely no concrete evidence to support the Trump supporters’ claim. Finally, late this afternoon, a highly placed White House source shockingly averred that Trump willfully and wantonly tore the tag off the underside of his mattress in the Presidential Bedroom shortly after taking office. A separate House Committee, chaired by the venerable Adam Schiff, has been formed to investigate this potentially criminal action on the part of the 45th president—”


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