The Week in Review
*Leading Democratic presidential contenders touted plans for free child day care, college and graduate school, housing for all, Medicare for all, universal health care, final expenses (funeral, cremation, burial, etc.), and abortion, as well as a universal basic income (UBI) program, while also revealing plans to force restaurants to charge customers for plastic straws.
*Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) admitted that 2 million workers would lose their jobs under her Medicare for all plan but essentially said that “most of them could probably get jobs at Arby’s…or something.”
*Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) similarly admitted that “many hundreds of thousands” of high-paid workers in the extraction and energy industries would be displaced by her Green New Deal, though she averred they all could find work as cow killers.
*Hillary Clinton claimed that Conan the “Hero Dog,” who cornered heinous terrorist Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi before he blew himself and his kids up with a suicide vest, is actually a Russian asset. Hillary, rumored to be preparing for a possible third try at the presidency, also accused Andrew Yang, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs, Khloe Kardashian, Kermit the Frog, the Geico Gecko, and the Pillsbury Doughboy of being Russian plants.
*Beto O’Rourke announced he was ending his campaign for president and going back to playing practical jokes on his wife and eating regenerative dirt. He stated that he may also return to a life of crime. Some experts believe he will cross the border, head south and work for a Mexican drug cartel. Others say that, in order to replenish his badly depleted financial coffers, he may work as a “coyote,” escorting undocumented heroes in their desperate quest to cross the border and enter the imperialist, racist, bigoted, xenophobic United States of America.
*Several students, various student advocacy groups, and the Compton Unified School District threatened to sue the University of California if it doesn’t drop its SAT and ACT test score admission requirements. These groups claim the tests “illegally discriminate against applicants who can’t afford test prep classes” and that the tests also “pose other unfair obstacles.” Yes, like making students think or expend effort. Look for students and their apologists around the country to take legal action soon against schools who continue to grade student’s work and who require students to attend classes.
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