The Week in Review
*Leading Democratic presidential contenders touted plans for
free child day care, college and graduate school, housing for all, Medicare for
all, universal health care, final expenses (funeral, cremation, burial, etc.),
and abortion, as well as a universal basic income (UBI) program, while also
revealing plans to force restaurants to charge customers for plastic straws.
*Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) admitted
that 2 million workers would lose their jobs under her Medicare for all
plan but essentially said that “most of them could probably get jobs at Arby’s…or
something.”
*Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) similarly admitted
that “many hundreds of thousands” of high-paid workers in the extraction and
energy industries would be displaced by her Green New Deal, though she averred
they all could find work as cow killers.
*Hillary Clinton claimed that Conan the “Hero Dog,” who
cornered heinous terrorist Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi before he blew himself and his
kids up with a suicide vest, is actually a Russian asset. Hillary, rumored to
be preparing for a possible third try at the presidency, also accused Andrew
Yang, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs, Khloe Kardashian, Kermit the Frog, the
Geico Gecko, and the Pillsbury Doughboy of being Russian plants.
*Beto O’Rourke announced he was ending his campaign for
president and going back to playing practical jokes on his wife and eating
regenerative dirt. He stated that he may also return to a life of crime.
Some experts believe he will cross the border, head south and work for a
Mexican drug cartel. Others say that, in order to replenish his badly depleted
financial coffers, he may work as a “coyote,” escorting undocumented heroes in
their desperate quest to cross the border and enter the imperialist, racist, bigoted,
xenophobic United States of America.
*Several students, various student advocacy groups, and the
Compton Unified School District threatened to sue
the University of California if it doesn’t drop its SAT and ACT test score
admission requirements. These groups claim the tests “illegally discriminate
against applicants who can’t afford test prep classes” and that the tests also
“pose other unfair obstacles.” Yes, like making students think or expend
effort. Look for students and their apologists around the country to take legal
action soon against schools who continue to grade student’s work and who
require students to attend classes.
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