Saturday, November 16, 2019

Impeachment Survey

                It was recently reported that Democrats have used focus groups to help them decide what terms to use in their latest attempt to impeach President Trump. They had used the term “quid pro quo” to characterize Trump’s overt request of new Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to look into the Hunter Biden-Burisma Holdings scandal, but weren’t sure enough people were familiar with the term. Upon analyzing the focus group data, they discovered that “bribery” was the word that most negatively resonated with Americans. Therefore, the Democrats are now certain Trump attempted to “bribe” Zelensky and the Ukrainian government, despite the fact that the scheduled aid was delivered even though Trump got no assurances from Zelensky or his government. And that Zelensky and his foreign minister both said Trump placed no pressure on them whatsoever to comply.
                “Well, don’t listen to them! What would they know of it? We have third-party hearsay on our side!” say the Democrats.
                In a gesture of friendship towards my leftist friends, I’m conducting my own survey utilizing an in-house focus group. Which of the following high crimes and misdemeanors do you think Trump should be impeached for? (Pick all that may apply).

·         Tweeting style
·         Income level
·         Using the Rolling Stones’ song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” at the end of his rallies
·         Hairstyle
·         Hair color
·         Calling others names
·         Having a beautiful wife
·         Not owning a dog
·         Being white
·         Being a man
·         Being a white man
·         Don’t like the name “Donald”
·         Don’t like the name “Trump”
·         Don’t like the middle initial “J”
·         Don’t like that he’s actually doing much of what he promised
·         Upset that he’s upsetting faceless, unelected career bureaucrats
·         Feel like he hasn’t shown enough concern for undocumented, angendered, mulatto Hondurans
·         Success of stock market makes me uncomfortable
·         Still feel bad for Hillary
·         Making me feel bad
·         Called someone “bad news”

  I promise to forward the most popular choices to Rep. Schiff on a daily basis.

  The Founders would be so proud.

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