Saturday, November 23, 2019

Mattel Introduces "Non-Partisan" Uno

                Mattel recently introduced a new, “non-partisan” version of its popular Uno card game, designed to help prevent politics from ruining people’s holiday get-togethers. The special edition Uno will feature orange and purple cards instead of the usual “politically charged” red and blue cards. Even the packaging will be a bipartisan purple. The box also sports the message: “No red or blue cards means no taking sides!” The deck also comes with an extra “VETO” card that can be played to silence any political disagreement, should one spontaneously erupt despite the non-partisan-hued cards. This limited edition, apolitical Uno is available now at your local Walmart for the low, low price of $5.99.
                Does the color of playing cards typically cause violent political disagreements among friends and family members over the holidays? Call me a skeptic (and many have), but I find this hard to believe. Personally, a green card (so-to-speak) wouldn’t incite me to go on an anti-Islam rant, nor would a blue and white one send me on an anti-Zionist tirade.
I wonder what other “games” set Americans off. I don’t know if any leftists would play Monopoly, but, if they did, I can see them saying things like, “Electric company? They are responsible for massive environmental degradation! Can I sabotage them?” And, “Connecticut Avenue, Park Place? These are filled with rich people who don’t give a rat’s ass about the proletariat!” And, “Kentucky Avenue? I’m not going to buy that. Kentucky’s filled with a bunch of rednecks with bad teeth and loaded shotguns!” Or, “Oriental Avenue? Seriously? Microaggression! Appropriation!!”  
Perhaps Hasbro will introduce a non-partisan, politically correct, conflict-free version of its Risk board-game. Instead of trying to take over neighboring countries, players will work together to try to erase borders and build a one-world, Socialist government. Game pieces will be cast in pastel colors and the name will be slightly modified to “No-Risk” to avoid terrifying Millennial snowflakes.
Now, if we could only take all the stress, fear, pain and conflict out of the game of “Life,” we could all enjoy the holidays together, while eating our tofu turkeys and watching flag-football on our sustainable-energy-powered televisions.

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