Mattel recently introduced a new, “non-partisan” version of
its popular Uno
card game, designed to help prevent politics from ruining people’s holiday
get-togethers. The special edition Uno will feature orange and purple cards
instead of the usual “politically charged” red and blue cards. Even the
packaging will be a bipartisan purple. The box also sports the message: “No red
or blue cards means no taking sides!” The deck also comes with an extra “VETO”
card that can be played to silence any political disagreement, should one
spontaneously erupt despite the non-partisan-hued cards. This limited edition,
apolitical Uno is available now at your local Walmart for the low, low price of
$5.99.
Does
the color of playing cards typically cause violent political disagreements
among friends and family members over the holidays? Call me a skeptic (and many
have), but I find this hard to believe. Personally, a green card (so-to-speak)
wouldn’t incite me to go on an anti-Islam rant, nor would a blue and white one
send me on an anti-Zionist tirade.
I wonder what other “games” set
Americans off. I don’t know if any leftists would play Monopoly, but, if they
did, I can see them saying things like, “Electric company? They are responsible
for massive environmental degradation! Can I sabotage them?” And, “Connecticut
Avenue, Park Place? These are filled with rich people who don’t give a
rat’s ass about the proletariat!” And, “Kentucky Avenue? I’m not going to buy
that. Kentucky’s filled with a bunch of rednecks with bad teeth and loaded
shotguns!” Or, “Oriental Avenue? Seriously? Microaggression! Appropriation!!”
Perhaps Hasbro will introduce a non-partisan,
politically correct, conflict-free version of its Risk board-game. Instead of
trying to take over neighboring countries, players will work together to try to
erase borders and build a one-world, Socialist government. Game pieces will be
cast in pastel colors and the name will be slightly modified to “No-Risk” to avoid
terrifying Millennial snowflakes.
Now, if we could only take all the
stress, fear, pain and conflict out of the game of “Life,” we could all enjoy
the holidays together, while eating our tofu turkeys and watching flag-football
on our sustainable-energy-powered televisions.
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