France’s Paris Zoological Park has put a “brainless, yellow
slime mold” on display, according to the New
York Post. (No, it isn’t Michael Moore). The blob’s favorite food is
oatmeal, though it has no stomach. (It could be a Republican). The species is
approximately one billion years old (Bernie Sanders?) and thrives on forest
floors with high humidity. (Apparently, it’s an eco-sexual).
The
blob, a.k.a. physarum polycephalum, is said to exhibit “a remarkable 720
sexes.” (Physarum polycephalum, I’d like to party with you! Are you really
Miley Cyrus)? The unicellular substance is fungus-like but can slither along at
speeds approaching one-and-a-half inches-per-hour. (Or maybe it’s Chuck
Schumer)?
Bruno David,
director of the Paris Museum of Natural History, told Reuters: “The blob is a
living being which belongs to one of nature’s mysteries. It behaves very
surprisingly for something that looks like a mushroom.” (Possibly Adam Schiff)?
The park says
the blob “is borderline immortal but hates light and drought.” (Much like Nancy
Pelosi)!
CNN reports that it can hibernate for
years at a time and even predict environmental damage.
Al Gore, is that you?
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