France’s Paris Zoological Park has put a “brainless, yellow slime mold” on display, according to the New York Post. (No, it isn’t Michael Moore). The blob’s favorite food is oatmeal, though it has no stomach. (It could be a Republican). The species is approximately one billion years old (Bernie Sanders?) and thrives on forest floors with high humidity. (Apparently, it’s an eco-sexual).
The blob, a.k.a. physarum polycephalum, is said to exhibit “a remarkable 720 sexes.” (Physarum polycephalum, I’d like to party with you! Are you really Miley Cyrus)? The unicellular substance is fungus-like but can slither along at speeds approaching one-and-a-half inches-per-hour. (Or maybe it’s Chuck Schumer)?
Bruno David, director of the Paris Museum of Natural History, told Reuters: “The blob is a living being which belongs to one of nature’s mysteries. It behaves very surprisingly for something that looks like a mushroom.” (Possibly Adam Schiff)?
The park says the blob “is borderline immortal but hates light and drought.” (Much like Nancy Pelosi)!
CNN reports that it can hibernate for years at a time and even predict environmental damage.
Al Gore, is that you?