Opinion: “Why We Need Hillary,” By Harmony Trottel
I have so many questions about this election! Like, how could anyone be pro-life? Like, how could they be against a woman’s right to choose? I mean, it’s so, like, just a matter of women’s health! And, seriously…how could anyone be a hunter? We’d be like so much better off without guns… period! I mean, meat is murder, right? How can we kill these beautiful and innocent animals for our own sick and selfish pleasure? We have no right to eat animals! And we are causing other species to become extinct!
It is, like, so obvious that we need to elect leaders who will protect women’s abortion rights and ban guns and hunting to protect the most vulnerable among us. I mean, duhh! And another thing, how come some people are all like freaked out over Bill Clinton allegedly raping a bunch of women? I mean, maybe they actually wanted him too, right? Or maybe they were- like- not good people. I mean, how do we know they weren’t, like, pro-hunting, anti-abortion whackos, in which case they kinda really had it coming anyway. Maybe they were even in favor of those zoo guys taking out Harambe!
And this latest “scandal?” I mean, what’s the big deal if Wiener took a picture of his wiener with his 5-year-old son lying next to him on the bed and sent it to a 15-year-old girl? His son was facing the other way and was probably asleep, and his thingy was mostly obscured by his underwear anyway. Like a lot of smart people are saying, it’s not like Bill Clinton or Anthony Wiener or Huma Abedin are running for president. How does this have anything to do with Hillary? I mean, it’s like assuming President Obama didn’t love America just because his pastor repeatedly chanted “God Damn America” from the pulpit in their church, or because Michelle said the first time she’d ever been proud of her country was when Barack was elected. Crazy, right? I know!
And, like, I want to make sure you guys know I’m not a prude or anything ( ‘cuz trust me I’m not, I’m bi…wink!), but when I heard the old tape of Trump talking about groping women…I literally got sick to my stomach. I was shaken to my core. I was so offended…and scared! I thought to myself: “If he gets elected, I won’t recognize my own country anymore!”
So dudes, like, in conclusion, if you want everyone to know you are tolerant, inclusive and caring, make sure you exercise your right to vote for Hillary no matter what! Okay?
Or get hit by a bus.
[As long-time readers of this blog may know, I have written every word that appears on this site (except for 124 words of a July 4th, 2015 post)…for good, bad or indifferent. This is the first time I have ever posted a counterpoint opinion piece- written by another person- in the interest of “balance.” Harmony Trottel is a progressive activist and a devotee of public radio, Slate and MSNBC. She is a bisexual, non-binary, vegan who enjoys riding her bike to Starbucks].