January 15, 2016
Just days after claiming to have successfully tested its first hydrogen bomb, North Korean leader Kim Jong (the only) un said today that his “Great Nation has perfected the most powerful bomb ever built by anyone.” He went on to state that “It is thousands of times more forceful than the American’s puny little H-bombs and the weapons the Russians or Chinese have! It just shows the world the genius of the Worker’s Paradise! What’s more, it is a ‘stealthy' weapon as the American capitalist running-dogs call them, I think. It is silent...even when exploding... and can’t be detected by seismometers or any other human device… except for the one we’ve also just invented! And, best of all, it is completely invisible!”
The Hermit Kingdom’s Dear Leader was forced to temporarily interrupt his speech when his microphone malfunctioned and it took technicians the better part of an hour to solve the problem, during which time several North Korean citizens in attendance appeared to die of starvation.
When the microphone was back on, the intrepid Upper Korean leader finished with a flourish, proclaiming to the world, “North Korea is now the most powerful country on earth. We can blow up anyplace we like and you’ll never see it coming, so you better not piss us off! Seriously! For real! Thank you.”