January 15, 2016
News Services-
Just days after claiming to have successfully tested its first hydrogen bomb, North Korean leader
Kim Jong (the only) un said today that his “Great Nation has perfected the most
powerful bomb ever built by anyone.” He went on to state that “It is thousands
of times more forceful than the American’s puny little H-bombs and the weapons
the Russians or Chinese have! It just shows the world the genius of the
Worker’s Paradise! What’s more, it is a ‘stealthy' weapon as the American
capitalist running-dogs call them, I think. It is silent...even when exploding... and can’t be detected by seismometers or any other human device… except for the one we’ve also
just invented! And, best of all, it is completely invisible!”
The
Hermit Kingdom’s Dear Leader was forced to temporarily interrupt his speech
when his microphone malfunctioned and it took technicians the better part of an
hour to solve the problem, during which time several North Korean citizens in
attendance appeared to die of starvation.
When
the microphone was back on, the intrepid Upper Korean leader finished with a
flourish, proclaiming to the world, “North Korea is now the most powerful
country on earth. We can blow up anyplace we like and you’ll never see it
coming, so you better not piss us off! Seriously! For real! Thank you.”
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