San Francisco school
district heads are pushing for new, more inclusive policies towards
trans-species and species-nonconforming students in the wake of complaints from
several youths and their family members. The former Susan Smith, for example, a
senior at Milk and Honey Senior High School, recently informed school
authorities that she “didn’t feel fully welcomed at times” because some
students thought it funny that she was transitioning to the identity of
“Lucky,” a four-year-old male Black Labrador retriever.
Bob
Johnson, a junior at Gold Rush Senior High, claims that he has not felt “fully
validated” since he came out as “Flash,”
a mature, stream-run, Rainbow Trout. “I’ve just always loved to swim,” Johnson
said. “I can’t help what- or who- I am, you know?”
Then
there is Tom Brown, of Levi Senior High, who recently revealed he was
henceforth identifying as “Bucky” the bunny. “I’ve always known that I am a
rabbit in a human body. I really like vegetables, I poop a lot and I can run
right through chain-link fences. I just want to do all the things that rabbits
like to do… if you know what I mean,” Johnson said as his nose twitched and his
ears wiggled.
School
system authorities are huddling with legal experts this week in an attempt to
update official Bay Area school policy manuals and purge them of any type of
discrimination whatsoever.
Superintendent Happy Fillmore met with local
media yesterday and stated, “I want to assure everyone that our schools will
not discriminate on the basis of…anything at all. Not on age, race, creed,
religion, appearance, intellect, belief, behavior, performance, sex, gender, or species identity. And I’m probably
forgetting a bunch of other things. We will be a totally tolerant, open and inclusive educational enclave! Except
for obvious cranks and whackos like Christians, homophobes and those who own
firearms, of course.”
AH-1/16/16
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