Saturday, August 15, 2015

The Trans-Species Community- It's Wild!

                Move over transgender folks, the trans-specied are here and demanding their time in the sun! In fact, you and your movement are becoming passe’, parochial, boring. The trans-species ones are the new hipsters, the vanguard of a glorious, progressive future.
                The GLBTGQ family will now expand to become the GLBTGQTS community.  “Bessie,” transitioning to a Danish Jersey Cow, was formerly known as “Tom,” and was a bartender in Simi Valley, CA. Bessie says she has known she wasn’t meant to be in a human boy’s body since the 6th grade when nobody asked him (her) to the Sadie Hawkins dance. She is undecided if she will complete the transition, but is leaning toward staying where she is, sporting a full set of udders and a tail, but no hooves and only two legs. The trans-species community, according to Bessie, “Just feels right…like one big but diverse family.”
               There are numerous subgroups of the rapidly growing trans-species community, including “furries,” “species-questioning,” “species-fluid,” “bi-specied,””species-queer,” “pan-species,””species non-conforming,” the “aspecied,” etc. Experts say that most people don’t realize how complex and fluid species identity is. ”It’s like the old Almond-Joy/Mounds candy bar commercial, you know? ‘Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t?’” said “Kita,” who identifies as a cis-gendered Alaskan Malamute who was formerly a lawyer named Bethany. The “shape-shifters” are an offshoot of the trans-species community who claim that they can- and do-  routinely switch back and forth between their human and animal forms.
                The trans-species community is demanding that all restrooms in public spaces be designated “unispecies,” to avoid unfair discrimination against any members of their minority group…even though, as animals, they are free to urinate and defecate anywhere in the great outdoors, as well. As Kita stated, “Why should a human be able to use any given restroom, but not an animal? Or why should it be okay for, say, a squirrel to use it but not a horse or an orangutan? I mean, it’s just common sense, right?!”
                Numerous colleges and universities are now offering trans-species facilities. Attitudes toward the trans-specied are progressing almost apace with technology. Several colleges are considering adding trans-species studies to their curriculum and at least one of those may offer a major in the newly popular discipline.
               Scientifically speaking, “Species dysphoria” is closely related to trans-species identification, and is sometimes experienced in the context of sexual arousal to the image of one’s self as an animal.

As a brother of mine has often said, “It is a wild and woolly world in which we live!”

He didn’t know how right he was.

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