The Republican presidential candidates for the 2016 election
appear to be re-enacting the classic “State Room” scene from the Marx Brothers
movie, “A Night at the Opera.” An already crowded field just keeps getting more
and more congested, to the point they could not, ultimately, all fit in the
same room for a single debate.
Hillary
Clinton is the default candidate on the Democratic side, as well as the
presumptive next President of the United States. Yet, on the odd chance that
enough people actually start to be turned off by the Clinton Camp’s constant
lies, cover-ups, obfuscation, obstruction, arrogant incompetence and apparent
unfamiliarity with this new-fangled e-mail thing, I feel it my duty to
recognize the other Democratic candidates.
“What
other Democratic candidates?” you say. Believe it or not, there actually are
some! Lincoln Chafee, Martin O’Malley, Bernie Sanders and Jim Webb have all
announced their candidacies. Lincoln Chafee was previously a Republican (though
a liberal establishment one). He then came out of the closet and announced he
was actually an Independent. Shortly thereafter, he switched his affiliation to
Democrat. My guess is, by the time
the election occurs, he will have briefly proclaimed himself to be a Socialist,
thereby angering Bernie Sanders, before finally pronouncing himself a
card-carrying member of the Communist Party and a stout defender of Stalin.
Martin O’Malley and Bernie Sanders (an actual, admitted Socialist) are just
slightly different shades of radical liberal. Jim Webb is completely out of
place in this field, as he is clinically sane. Apparently, people named Jeff
Boss, Robby Wells and Willie Wilson have declared their candidacies, as well.
Some
Democrats, jealous of the “Big Tent” Republican field, where there are
significant differences in the candidate’s positions and honest debate is
occurring, are urging Al Gore and Joe Biden to run. This wouldn’t lead to significant differences in their candidate’s
positions or honest debate, but it would be incredibly fun! Imagine, if you
will, watching Al Gore go after Hillary Clinton! Imagine Obama’s vice-president
going after Obama’s former Secretary of State! You’d have to watch North
Korea’s Dear Leader Kim Jong-un and Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Sayyed Ali
Khamenei mud-wrestle in a San Francisco gay bar to equal that kind of enjoyment!
Come on
in boys, there’s room for a couple more!
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