Thursday, August 20, 2015

Presidential Candidates For The 2016 Election

                The Republican presidential candidates for the 2016 election appear to be re-enacting the classic “State Room” scene from the Marx Brothers movie, “A Night at the Opera.” An already crowded field just keeps getting more and more congested, to the point they could not, ultimately, all fit in the same room for a single debate.
                Hillary Clinton is the default candidate on the Democratic side, as well as the presumptive next President of the United States. Yet, on the odd chance that enough people actually start to be turned off by the Clinton Camp’s constant lies, cover-ups, obfuscation, obstruction, arrogant incompetence and apparent unfamiliarity with this new-fangled e-mail thing, I feel it my duty to recognize the other Democratic candidates.
                “What other Democratic candidates?” you say. Believe it or not, there actually are some! Lincoln Chafee, Martin O’Malley, Bernie Sanders and Jim Webb have all announced their candidacies. Lincoln Chafee was previously a Republican (though a liberal establishment one). He then came out of the closet and announced he was actually an Independent. Shortly thereafter, he switched his affiliation to Democrat. My guess is, by the time the election occurs, he will have briefly proclaimed himself to be a Socialist, thereby angering Bernie Sanders, before finally pronouncing himself a card-carrying member of the Communist Party and a stout defender of Stalin. Martin O’Malley and Bernie Sanders (an actual, admitted Socialist) are just slightly different shades of radical liberal. Jim Webb is completely out of place in this field, as he is clinically sane. Apparently, people named Jeff Boss, Robby Wells and Willie Wilson have declared their candidacies, as well.
                Some Democrats, jealous of the “Big Tent” Republican field, where there are significant differences in the candidate’s positions and honest debate is occurring, are urging Al Gore and Joe Biden to run. This wouldn’t lead to significant differences in their candidate’s positions or honest debate, but it would be incredibly fun! Imagine, if you will, watching Al Gore go after Hillary Clinton! Imagine Obama’s vice-president going after Obama’s former Secretary of State! You’d have to watch North Korea’s Dear Leader Kim Jong-un and Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Sayyed Ali Khamenei mud-wrestle in a San Francisco gay bar to equal that kind of enjoyment!

                Come on in boys, there’s room for a couple more!

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