December 23, 2014
In yet another bold move that stunned many and angered his critics, President Obama offered to normalize relations with North Korea earlier today, if the Hermit Kingdom would “Promise not to prevent us from releasing any more motion pictures in the future.
“We need to talk reason, here. Britain didn’t threaten to blow up theaters across our country before the release of ‘the Patriot!’ I mean, come on. And we really wouldn’t want to let a small, starving, communist nation led by a pudgy little dictator tell us what movies we can and can’t release. That could make us appear weak.
“But look, Cuba released just one American hostage and I normalized relations with them. I’ve gone around the Congress to try to ease tensions with Iran. So, if the North Korean government promises not to interfere anymore in our nation’s film and television industry, I will absolutely normalize relations with them. Because, you know, I can. Anyway, it’s obvious that, as with Cuba, our long-held policy of isolation hasn’t worked. Maybe if we opened an embassy there and installed, say, Dennis Rodman as an ambassador we could start working together to find common ground.”