January 2, 2015
President Obama outlined a new program earlier today that he said would “fix a lot of America’s problems while keeping with the spirit of fairness and decency that have been the hallmarks of my administration. Oh, and it’s also in the holiday spirit.”
The President proposed to “grant amnesty” to all those Americans who didn’t vote for him in either of the past two presidential elections and “also to all those misguided but possibly well-meaning folks who voted for Republicans this past November.”
The details of the proposal have yet to be worked out, but the President suggested he favors a “cultural exchange type-deal” whereby the misguided voters, instead of being “punished”- or harassed by the IRS or other Federal agencies- are instead granted amnesty and shipped to Mexico in exchange for illegal aliens who would be likewise granted amnesty upon arriving in the U.S.
“This has the fairness and symmetry we strive to achieve. This is a win-win. The wayward American voters essentially get off scot-free and I was going to do the illegal amnesty deal anyway. Most of these voters are- uh, were- from suburban and rural areas that are already sparsely populated so they would need to be replaced in any case. This just ties everything up and puts a nice bow on it, I think.”