Monday, September 1, 2014

What's In A Name?- Part II

                Far too many serious posts lately, so, with the coming of the new NFL, NHL and NBA seasons I thought I’d post Part II of my team name analysis.

              Do to the recent controversy surrounding the (Washington) Redskins team name and the fact that the University of North Dakota was also recently forced to abandon its teams use of their age-old nick- name…the Fighting Sioux… I thought I’d conduct an impartial review of sports team names in general. Obviously, Notre Dame’s use of the “Fighting Irish” is fine, nobody could contest that since it only stereotypes a group of white people. But here is a league-by-league breakdown of some other iffy monikers:

                                                         Other NFL Squads

*Cleveland Browns…obvious affront to all the brown-skinned people’s of the world. Like Red…skins. Would you really be the Cleveland “Blacks”?

*Kansas City Chiefs…well, of course this too is fine…but not Redskins.

*New England Patriots…how do you think this makes all the people historically oppressed by America feel?

*Oakland Raiders…an overtly violent, macho, insensitive, non-inclusive sounding name. Just makes one…feel bad.

*San Diego Chargers…this is very hurtful to all those who still pay with cash or check.

*Tennessee Titans…holy cow. Not much love for the underclass here.

*Green Bay Packers…is this an assault on those who don’t pack, or a thinly veiled “back-door” slander of gays?

*Minnesota Vikings…your Aryan, macho plundering types again. How gauche!

*New York Giants…the hell with the vertically-challenged.

*Philadelphia Eagles…hurtfully making fun of us…the majority… who aren’t great golfers. Sick.

*St. Louis Rams…”Gently Bumps” would be better… if that’s ok with ewe?


*Atlanta Hawks… “Doves” would’ve been much more appropriate in our modern era.

*Boston Celtics…holy crap! Drunken Poets/Singers already taken?

*Cleveland Cavaliers…perfectly symbolizes how lightly we take the naming of our sports franchises.

*Dallas Mavericks…leave it to a team from Texas. Have to stand apart from the rest of us. Not a team player.

*Detroit Pistons…in this era of global warming… an ode to the internal combustion engine? Wouldn’t “Solar Heating Panels” be a better name?

*Golden State Warriors…really…on the west coast even? OMG…I feel faint. Hopefully it’s referencing  Native Americans…oops, sorry, that’s bad, too…

*Indianapolis Pacers…an obvious swipe at a small, challenged GMC automobile. It’s extinct now, can’t we finally leave it be?

*Miami Heat…ok, but maybe the “Global Warming” would be more accurate.

*Milwaukee Bucksdoes that not seem sexist enough for you?


*Buffalo Sabres…no team should have weapons on their jerseys.

*Columbus Blue Jackets…it’s actually the town’s name that’s offensive here! He didn’t discover America, never set foot here, yet somehow he did lead to its rape!

*Montreal Canadiens…what if an American- based team had “Americans” as their name? Takes Xenophobia to a new level!

*Nashville Predators…in this day and age we shouldn’t be celebrating stalkers and killers!

*St. Louis Blues… hurtful to people with depression.

*Colorado Avalanche…a powerful, white force comes down from on high to ravage unsuspecting peoples? Wow.

*Dallas Stars… excuse us, you guys are so much better than we could ever hope to be…

*San Jose’ Sharks…who are we deliberately denigrating here? Card-sharks? Loan-sharks? Great Whites?

                                                             College Football

*Notre Dame Fighting Irish…can’t imagine how African-Americans or Native-Americans could take offense at that.
*Oklahoma State Cowboys...Cowboy images fine, Indians not so much.
*Nebraska Cornhuskers...have you seen this mascot? He looks like a ghastly- white country bumpkin with a head enlarged by H.G.H. who is vaguely surprised at everything he is seeing. Wouldn't be surprised to see him flying in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

No comments:

Post a Comment