An Ilhan Omar (D-MN) Townhall Speech!
(There is a large man in the front row, on the aisle, who
looks as if he’s been on a nine-year bender. Make that 39-year bender. No MAGA
hat, though, as even Ilhan realizes that would be too much. The event camera
focuses on the large, disheveled man for no apparent reason.)
Omar speaks: “The Nazis running this country now must be
stopped by any means necessary. If not, no one will be safe! Indeed, there
could be an undercover ICE member here now.” (Looks up, gives slight nod.
Nothing happens.) “I said there could be an undercover ICE member here right now!”
The large man in the front row immediately rises up,
approaches Omar and says, “I’ve got a beaker full of apple cider vinegar and
I’m not afraid to use it! And a bottle of ketchup for backup in case that
doesn’t work! Die, biatch!” (Tosses apple cider vinegar at Omar.)
Omar: “Dear Allah!” (Chases the man off, then falls to
the ground.) “I’m melting!” (Terrified people rush in to help her, but,
miraculously, she pops up, right as rain. Coincidentally, Gloria Gaynor’s “I
Will Survive” comes blaring though the hall’s sound system at this very
moment.)
Omar (pointing at her assailant) sings: “Go on now go.
Walk out the door. Just turn around now ‘cuz you’re not welcome anymore!”
Everyone cheers. Standing ovation. Some have tears in
their eyes. She has brought the house down with her veracity and courage.
[Curtain falls]
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