Beelzebub And The Baker

                  Jack Phillips should’ve been greatly relieved when the United States Supreme Court ruled in his favor recently. The Denver-based baker had previously been taken to court for refusing to comply with a gay couple’s wedding cake order. However, on that same day, according to court documents reviewed by Newsweek, the devout Christian received a request from a Church of Satan member wanting Phillips to make a cake in celebration of Satan’s birthday: “I’m thinking a three-tiered white cake. Cheesecake frosting. And the topper should be a large figure of Satan, licking a 9” black Dildo. I would like the dildo to be an actual working model, that can be turned on before we unveil the cake. I can provide it for you if you don’t have the means to procure it yourself.”

                 Phillips “politely declined” the request. Newsweek contacted other prominent Denver-area bakeries, all of which said they would make a transgender cake with blue icing and pink batter. Conversely, all but one stated that making one with Satan licking a dildo was going too far. One area baker told Newsweek he suspects the person placing the order meant to request “cream cheese icing.” He added, “I don’t know why someone would want Satan on a cake,” while asking to remain anonymous in addressing such a controversial topic.

                 Refusal to put a large figure of Satan licking a 9” dildo on a cake is a controversial topic?!?! I remember when Ginger vs. Mary Ann was a controversial topic. The Culture War has long since been lost.

                Phillips was recently cited by the state of Colorado for wrongly denying a transgender customer’s birthday cake request, and suspects the same person requested the Satan cakes. And this wasn’t the first such request he’s received. Apparently, they’ve become almost commonplace. Phillips thinks a local transgender “woman” named Autumn Scardina is behind several of the requests. Phillips received an email recently requesting a cake for Satan’s birthday to include “red-and -black icing” and “an upside-down cross under the head of Lucifer.” He replied, saying he wouldn’t make the cake due to his religious beliefs. Then came a phone order for a red-and-black theme cake with “an image of Satan smoking marijuana.” (Well, it is Colorado, after all). The caller I.D. screen read “Scardina.” On another occasion, two people came into Phillips’ Masterpiece Cakeshop asking for a cake adorned with a “pentagram.” When prompted for their names, one responded with “Autumn Marie.”

               Phillips suggests that these orders may not have come from a Satanist, but from Scardina, who is a local attorney. There’s a difference? (Just kidding attorneys! Sort of…). Scardina may well be both.

               Phillips says he and his family have been living in fear and have received death threats. One caller told him that he wanted to cut him up with a machete. Vandals recently threw rocks at the bakery in the middle of the night, triggering his alarm system. His business is struggling. He’s had to cut his 10-member staff down to four. The legal battles have taken their toll. He says, “It’s been tough to make everything work.”  

              It is not a coincidence that small, private bakeries are being targeted. As Mark Steyn notes, “Betrothed gays looking for wedding cakes and floral arrangements are not just carelessly stumbling into homophobic bakeries and florists. It's an organized campaign consciously targeting particular establishments. That's why no gay couples have wandered into a Muslim patisserie in Dearborn... and, if they did, they'd be the ones in hiding. Tim Cook, the Apple CEO who'll have no truck with Hoosier homophobes, is happy to enrich Iran's mullahs so they can build fancier gay gallows on which to hang the sodomites. Muscle respects muscle.”

              I’m sure there are LGBTQIA bakers who would make the Satan/dildo cake, but balk at making a cake celebrating Trump’s election or, say, the repeal of Roe v. Wade.

              Poor Jack Phillips. He just wanted to make a rewarding middle-class life for himself and his family, doing what he had a passion to do. He just wanted to mix a little flour, a little sugar, maybe add some food coloring and make a nice frosting. A two-tier or three-tier cake? Sure. Maybe even put a small elf or deer figurine on top. Instead, he’s the center of controversy, constantly fighting ideological and political battles. What bullshit. What a travesty. What a sad statement on modern society.

              Leftists make everything—literally everything—political. You want a cake celebrating the Anti-Christ? Make your own damn Satan cake-- replete with a dildo of any size-- if you like. And eat it, too, for all we care.

  But leave the rest of us the hell alone.