Sunday, December 23, 2018

Award Shows

                “Award season” is almost upon us. There are now so many award shows it’s hard to keep track of them: the Oscars, the Emmys, the Grammys, Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards, Critics Choice Awards, ESPYs and Golden Globes, just to name a few. (And Golden Globes are what you often see when actresses saunter down the red carpet in their expensive, low-cut dresses).
                It is abundantly clear that those in the entertainment industry love to ostentatiously celebrate themselves. Therefore, I think we need an award show for the award shows. Call it the EGO Awards, or EGOs. There would be a nearly endless list of possible awards, just the way the stars like it. For example:
                “And the award for the best leftist political diatribe during an acceptance speech goes to……Robert DeNiro!”
                “And the award for the most brazen virtue-signaling while hosting an award show goes to……Jimmy Kimmel!"

               "And to present the next award, here is Joy Behar, the star of ABC's Emmy-winning morning show, 'The View.'"

               "Thanks, Stephen. Before we get to the next award, I’d just like to say that Trump’s testicles should be cut off and fed to Brett Kavanaugh in the interest of tolerance, compassion and world peace. (Loud applause, many in the audience standing and cheering). Thank you, thank you! You know deep down we are all the same, everybody around the world, all the same! We all want the same things! (Even louder cheering and applause). And diversity is our biggest strength, right?! (Still louder cheering and applause. Everyone standing. Many weeping. Eventually, a chant breaks out, ‘f**k Trump, f**k Trump, f**k Trump!’). Thank you, good people! Right you are!
 “And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the award for the most effective use of condescension towards deplorables in flyover country while presenting the award for the best portrayal of a marginalized, bisexual, mulatto, transgendered, transvestite atheist in Indie films goes to………”


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