Saturday, March 3, 2018

Ark Of The Sky

                There’s been a tremendous amount of airline news lately, much of it involving animals.  A couple weeks ago, United Airlines denied a customer’s “emotional support peacock” access to her flight, an act so heinous it quickly went viral. Shortly thereafter, Spirit Airlines callously refused to allow another woman’s emotional support dwarf hamster to board her flight. Formerly content to rely on “service dogs,” if absolutely necessary, Americans have now managed to connive doctors into certifying all manner of creatures as “emotional support” animals, including squirrels and snakes. And peacocks and dwarf hamsters, apparently.
                The airlines have become increasingly alarmed at the growing menagerie invading airports across the country. Many passengers are also upset with the trend, and believe their fellow flyers are taking gross advantage of a federal law designed to help those truly in need of aid and succor, in an attempt to get their own garden-variety (literally true in some instances) pet on board. In just one year, from 2016 to 2017, for example, American Airlines recorded a 40 percent increase in customers who flew with a service or support animal. In light of this, some airlines are starting to tighten restrictions on these critters, citing clear issues of safety and health.
                I wanted to see how accommodating my favorite airline would be, so I headed off to the airport, emotional support warthog at my side.
An airline official said he wouldn’t let him on the plane! Can you believe it? What a bore! He must be a piggot!
                And they call it “the friendly skies.” United we stand?

                I think not.

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