Johnnie Walker recently announced a new promotion
highlighting the company’s “commitment to progress,” and gender equality. The
new “Jane Walker” campaign will begin in March, just in time for International
Women’s Day and Women’s history Month, when stores will begin to receive
special edition bottles with a female figure in place of the traditional
Johnnie Walker logo. As part of the female empowerment branding effort, the
company will donate $1 for every bottle sold to organizations that champion women’s
causes, up to a maximum of $250,000 (according to that fount of accurate
reporting, CNN).
So, drink up, progressives! Drink
until you’re drunk on empowerment, besotted with entitlement, and sloshed on
your own superiority.
She remarked to Bloomberg, “Scotch as a category is seen as particularly intimidating by
women. It’s a really exciting opportunity to invite women into the brand.”
The loquacious Jacoby told yet
another media outlet, Time, “We really
see Jane as the first female iteration of our striding-man icon. We like to
think of our striding man and our striding woman as really walking together
going forward.” That’s such a beautiful
image. Johnnie and Jane, staggering together into a progressive future. It
won’t be long until transgenders and other “non-binary” gender identifiers
appear on liquor bottle labels. The “Two-spirited” would be a natural on, say,
a bottle of scotch blend.
In a rush to catch up to the virtue-signaling
Johnnie Walker, and with Women’s History Month looming, many other food and
beverage companies quickly announced their own progressive changes and
campaigns.
Maker’s Mark is rebranding as Maker’s
Marcie. Knob Creek is offering a spinoff called “Beaver Creek.” The Samuel
Adams Brewery will henceforth be known as the Abigail Adams Brewery.
In addition, Jim Beam announced that
it will be introducing a new “Joy” Beam label in the coming days. And Jack
Daniels, naturally, plans to come out with “Jill Daniels” by the end of the
week, replete with a new slogan: “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a
pail of whiskey. Jack fell down and lost his frown…and he and Jill went for a
tumble after! Wink, wink!”
Even non-alcoholic producers are
getting into the act. Jack Links will reorganize as Jenny Links by the start of
the second quarter, while Slim Jim will become Slim Janice. The Mr. Pibb brand
of soda-pop will get a makeover as Ms. Pibb. Finally, in a move that stunned
market analysts, the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group announced that the iconic “Dr.
Pepper” brand will be relabeled “OBGYN Pepper” going forward.
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