Johnnie Walker Launches "Jane Walker" Campaign

            Johnnie Walker recently announced a new promotion highlighting the company’s “commitment to progress,” and gender equality. The new “Jane Walker” campaign will begin in March, just in time for International Women’s Day and Women’s history Month, when stores will begin to receive special edition bottles with a female figure in place of the traditional Johnnie Walker logo. As part of the female empowerment branding effort, the company will donate $1 for every bottle sold to organizations that champion women’s causes, up to a maximum of $250,000 (according to that fount of accurate reporting, CNN).

So, drink up, progressives! Drink until you’re drunk on empowerment, besotted with entitlement, and sloshed on your own superiority. 

Jane Johnnie Walker’s vice-president, Stephanie Jacoby, informed Ad Week that “important conversations about gender continue to be at the forefront of culture,” and therefore the company firmly believes that there is “no better time than now to introduce our Jane Walker icon and contribute to pioneering organizations that share our mission.” She added, “We are proud to toast the many achievements of women and everyone on the journey towards progress in gender equality.”

 She remarked to Bloomberg, “Scotch as a category is seen as particularly intimidating by women. It’s a really exciting opportunity to invite women into the brand.”

The loquacious Jacoby told yet another media outlet, Time, “We really see Jane as the first female iteration of our striding-man icon. We like to think of our striding man and our striding woman as really walking together going forward.” That’s such a beautiful image. Johnnie and Jane, staggering together into a progressive future. It won’t be long until transgenders and other “non-binary” gender identifiers appear on liquor bottle labels. The “Two-spirited” would be a natural on, say, a bottle of scotch blend.

In a rush to catch up to the virtue-signaling Johnnie Walker, and with Women’s History Month looming, many other food and beverage companies quickly announced their own progressive changes and campaigns.

Maker’s Mark is rebranding as Maker’s Marcie. Knob Creek is offering a spinoff called “Beaver Creek.” The Samuel Adams Brewery will henceforth be known as the Abigail Adams Brewery.

In addition, Jim Beam announced that it will be introducing a new “Joy” Beam label in the coming days. And Jack Daniels, naturally, plans to come out with “Jill Daniels” by the end of the week, replete with a new slogan: “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of whiskey. Jack fell down and lost his frown…and he and Jill went for a tumble after! Wink, wink!”

Even non-alcoholic producers are getting into the act. Jack Links will reorganize as Jenny Links by the start of the second quarter, while Slim Jim will become Slim Janice. The Mr. Pibb brand of soda-pop will get a makeover as Ms. Pibb. Finally, in a move that stunned market analysts, the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group announced that the iconic “Dr. Pepper” brand will be relabeled “OBGYN Pepper” going forward.