All the talk about “cultural appropriation” is driving me
crazy. (See also: “Inappropriate Appropriation,” my April 4, 2017 post). Ethnic
groups, special interest associations, and assorted other pathetic, angry,
entitled, mantle-of-victimhood donning, politically-correct yahoos are attempting
to claim that cultural appropriation is a form of oppression. What, precisely, is “cultural appropriation?” Let’s go to
the dictionary: “The adoption or use of elements of one culture by members of a
different culture.”
That used to be called progress. After all, “Imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery” to reasonable people of all nationalities and
colors, no? Apparently not.
Non-Mexicans can’t run a taco stand?
They can’t in Portland, Oregon, anyway. A small burrito pop-up there, a food cart
essentially, permanently closed due to outrage over the obvious cultural
appropriation exhibited by its Caucasian owners. Are Taco Bells now endanger of
being vandalized?
We can’t dress in Indian regalia
(Native or sub-continent) for
Halloween? Nope. We can’t even use the terms “brave” or “chief,” now. These
words are not only inoffensive, but
are terms of pride, elevation and courage. Moreover, these words didn’t exist
in the languages of indigenous peoples. Surely, we can’t be accused of appropriating our own effing words?
The oldest known person to have
sported a tattoo was Ötzi the Iceman, according to online historical sites.
Ötzi lived somewhere around 3200 B.C., and is known to have quite a few living relatives in Austria’s Tyrol
region. So, all you gals with tramp stamps on your backsides better get them removed.
If you don’t, The Iceman’s relatives may Cometh for you.
This is nothing short of madness.
Should the rest of the world have permanently ignored clogs and tulips in
deference to Holland?
Baseball is as American as apple
pie. Everyone knows that. So, you, in
the Dominican Republic, put down your bat. You there, in Canada, set your fork down and
slowly back away from that pie. And all you prospective legal immigrants, stop
trying to come here. We don’t want anyone to appropriate the American Dream.
Thomas Edison and crew invented the
light bulb. They were all white folks. So, all you non-Caucasians better turn
off your lights- and only drive your
cars during the day. On second thought, you can’t drive a car, either, because
cars were invented and first commonly used by white people. Sorry. In fact, the
automobile was invented by a German named Karl (“Mercedes”) Benz. Moreover, the
process to mass produce vehicles was invented and refined by Henry Ford,
another white guy. He came up with the assembly line and the means of
mass-production in general, so I guess you folks can’t use anything that’s
mass-produced, either.
You’d have had to dispense with
your cell-phones in any case, you serial-appropriators, because the phone comes
to us courtesy of Alexander Graham Bell, while the cell-phone was invented by
Martin Cooper, both white.
You’ll
also note, dear reader, that all but one of the aforementioned are/were Americans. Therefore, in the spirit of
political-correctness, we’re going to have to ask the other 95.6 percent of you
inhabiting the planet to jettison your vehicles, lay down your phones and turn
out the lights. The party’s over.
**********************
**********************
(Fundamentalist Muslims believe
they must convert, enslave or kill “infidels.” Is this reverse-appropriation? If so, is that better?).
No comments:
Post a Comment