London's Tube Says Good-Bye To "Ladies And Gentlemen"

                The famous London Underground train, or “tube,” as it’s commonly called in England, will no longer use the time-honored “(Welcome) ladies and gentlemen” greeting, Metro has reported. The iconic, subterranean rapid transit system has bowed to months of intense pressure and lobbying from LGBT activists. Transport for London employees have instead been instructed to use phrases such as “Good afternoon, everyone” as the city moves towards broad-based gender neutrality.

                Many have long called for the removal of the “offensive” phrase, saying that it is archaic and repressive. In reality, it’s simply far too accurate and civilized for the times. Other, more inclusive greeting phrases that have been given the go-ahead to replace the reactionary “(Greeting) ladies and gentlemen” include: “welcome, people,” “hey, all you theys,” (the preferred pronoun of most transgenders), and “what up, hoes and pimps?!”

                Submitted for approval, but still pending endorsement, are: “hiya,’ mass of humanity,” “hello, homo sapiens,” “greetings and salutations to you, cis-gendered, non-binary, all-gendered, non-gendered, some-gendered, partial-gendered, gender non-believing, gender-neutral, and others,” “bonjour, equally-valued, egalitarian, citizens of the world and offspring of our mother the earth,” and… “hi ya’ll.”