Low Times For High English

                                                    Low Times for High English

                “Like is the new “the.” Like it or not. Consider the following sentence:

                “Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that ‘all men are created equal.’” Recognize it? Of course, it is the first line of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. Let us imagine how that line might sound if it were spoken today:

                “Like, eighty-seven years ago our ancestors brought forth, upon this, like, continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty and, like, dedicated to, like, treating all people equally.”

                Now let’s add in the second distinctive feature of modern language usage and revisit the famous sentence:

                “Dudes: like, eighty-seven years ago our foredudes brought forth, upon this, like, continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty and, like, dedicated to, like, treating all dudes equally.”

                And now we insert the third prominent feature of today’s language usage:

                “Dudes: like, fu--ing eighty-seven years ago our fu--ing foredudes brought forth, upon this, like, fu--ing continent, a new fu--ing nation, conceived in mother-fu**ing liberty and, like, dedicated to, like, treating all dudes fu--ing equally.”

                Finally, let’s, like, look at the next line of the tall dude’s speech, okay? So, like, he goes…