Sunday, December 10, 2023

School Board President Takes Oath On Stack Of LGBTQ Books


A Doylestown, Pennsylvania school board president recently took her oath of office on a stack of sexually explicit LGBTQ-themed books instead of the customary Bible.

Karen Smith, progressive in good standing that she is, put her hand on top of a pile of books that included “Flamer”-- a semi-pornographic book marketed towards children-- to sanctify the start of her new term with the Central Bucks Board of School Directors on Dec. 4.

The book “Lily and Dunkin,” which is about a gender-confused student and a boy with bipolar disorder, was also included in Ms. Smith’s stack-- among others of that ilk. The graphic novel “Flamer” includes characters discussing pornography, erections, masturbation, penis size-- and an illustration that depicts naked teenage boys.

We can expect many more of these unconventional swearings-in in the near future. I mean, the Bible is so yesterday, so 1950s, right?

This led me to wonder what those more familiar to us might use to be sworn in, to whatever position, should it be necessary. Hence, the following (all actual publications):

*Bill Clinton: a stack of Hustler magazines.

*Hillary Clinton: “Client/Server Computing For Dummies.”

*President Biden: “Lies: And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them.” (This could also be used for either-- or both-- of the above. Let’s hope Biden never has occasion to be sworn in again.)

*Barack Obama: “Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance” by Barack Obama.

*Michelle Obama: “Becoming” by Michelle Obama.

*Gavin Newsome: “The Men’s Hair Book.”

*Rachel Levine: “The Transgender Handbook: A Guide for Transgender People, Their Families and Professionals.”

*AOC: “Bartending for Dummies.”

*Chris Christie: “Pig Beach BBQ Cookbook.”

*Adam Schiff: “Crazy As A Loon.”

*James Carville: “English As A Second Language (ESL) 154: Practice Test 1.”

*Elizabeth Warren: “An Indigenous Peoples’ History Of The United States.”

*Kamala Harris: “If I Only Had A Brain.”

*Taylor Swift: “Hail to the Chief.” (Okay, I’m not sure what she would ever be sworn into, but…)

*Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY): “Where’s The Fire?”

*Elon Musk: “X Marks The Spot.”

*Pope Francis: “The Communist Manifesto.”

*Keith Olbermann: “Mein Kampf.” (I doubt Keith could ever be sworn into anything, either, but just in case.)

*Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA): “Gone with the Wind.”

*Xi Jinping: “Winnie the Pooh.”

*Donald Trump: “Ready Or Not, Here I Come.”

Admittedly, this is a partial list. Additional suggestions, anyone?


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