June 25, 2020
The Johns Hopkins Hospital and the Mayo Clinic issued a joint statement today, renouncing the use of all medical equipment, procedures, practices, medicines and vaccines ever invented or developed by straight white Christian males.
The lengthy statement read in part: “We will no longer utilize any surgical techniques or medical equipment invented or developed by straight white Christian males at any time in the distant or recent past. Nor will we ever again administer any vaccines or prescribe any medication developed by the patriarchy. Though this will be inconvenient for many, we have our consciences fixed on the bigger picture…the greater goal… of not offending anyone by utilizing practices or tangible goods developed by or at the hands of possibly misogynistic men, many of whom were likely not sufficiently supportive of the LGBTQ or BLM lifestyles and communities. We simply cannot in good conscience continue to operate using medical breakthroughs and advances made possible by the likes of Dr. Edward Jenner who invented the first vaccine for smallpox, Dr. Felix Hoffman who invented aspirin, Dr. Jonas Salk who developed a vaccine against polio, the da Vinci robotic surgical team that made possible much more effective-- and less invasive—surgical procedures for prostrate surgeries and coronary artery bypass procedures, or even British surgeon Joseph Lister who was the first to extoll the virtues of cleanliness in all surgical procedures. We realize that this will be a bitter pill for some to swallow, but we must acknowledge-- and commit ourselves to-- the overriding societal good of not appearing to acquiesce to the marginalization of certain historically aggrieved minority groups.”