Sunday, April 12, 2020

Coronavirus Samples Stolen

            WFLD FOX 32, a television station in Chicago, recently reported that five coronavirus samples were stolen from a lab employee’s car at a Chicago gas station. Incredibly, the lab employee, a 42-year old woman, left her car unlocked and running while she went into the South Side gas station shortly before 7 p.m. Not surprisingly, as she entered the station, two men stole her car, a 2015 Jeep Cherokee. Apparently, after enlisting the help of a relative, the remarkably careless lab tech located her vehicle only a few miles away. Nearing midnight, she alerted nearby police officers that the two men were still in the car. Reports say the police then approached the vehicle, prompting the men to flee. Somehow, they got away from the police, who are still searching for them.
The police confirmed that all five of the samples were missing from the car after they repossessed the vehicle.
The whole episode is stupefying. Were the coronavirus samples in little plastic bottles with snap-on lids? Were they just sitting on the backseat of the ditzy lab tech’s car? On its dashboard? Did the ditzy lab tech have to use the rest room? Fancy a snack? Need to buy a pack of cigs? I mean, what the hell?! So, the two guys stole a car and then fled…with the virus samples? Did they know they were there? Did they know what they were? And the cops saw the two guys in the car and yet the two guys got out and fled and the cops couldn’t catch them? Were the cops afraid to get too close to the two car thieves? Or afraid to get too close to the coronavirus samples?
It’s a good thing this lab tech wasn’t entrusted with our nuclear codes or samples of uranium 235. “I know I should protect them, but, damn it, I crave a Twinkie! Couldn’t hurt if I left the doors unlocked and the car running, could it? Be a lot easier for me when I get back.”
Of all the ways “experts” have told us the coronavirus spreads, of all the things to watch out for…this wasn’t one of them.
Sunbathers, dog-walkers and lone paddle-boarders have been fined and/or arrested during this crisis. Will this lab tech be held accountable?

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