Girl Scouts Award Scout For Promoting Abortion

                The Girl Scouts of America granted a high school sophomore its prestigious Girl Scouts Gold Award for promoting access to abortion. The sophomore told Tucson Life she’s “planning on hosting an event to educate people about and de-stigmatize access to ‘women’s healthcare.’” Access to “women’s healthcare” has never been stigmatized. Unfortunately, usage of preposterous euphemisms hasn’t been effectively stigmatized.

                The award-winning sophomore also joined the Women’s March in protest of President Trump and his policies. The Girl Scouts have often been accused of promoting a left-wing worldview in recent years, with good reason. Many feel that significant evidence proves the organization has essentially become a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, and sexualizes young girls through its influence. In fact, Planned Parenthood instructional materials are part of the core curriculum at Girl Scouts training seminars.

                The GSA has recently changed the name of several of its most popular cookies, maybe because they’re made in different bakeries, maybe for politically-correct reasons. Do-si-dos have become trefoil cookies, tagalongs peanut butter patties and samosas caramel delites. (I mean, think about it: square dancing is so yesterday, no one wants to think of someone who isn’t really wanted on the journey, and cultural appropriation is a crime, right)?

                More changes are imminent, now that progressives and Socialists are unabashedly ruling the day. One person close to the organization told me that the group will be introducing several new cookies for 2021. Thin Mints will go the way of the dinosaur due to the name’s implicit body-shaming. The cookie will henceforth be known as Healthy Yet Realistic Body Weight Mints. Venezuela Vanilla will join the line-up, as will Russian Teacakes, Planned Parenthood Peanut Butter Patties, Transgender Toffee Biscuits, Queer Wafers, Lesbian Lemonade Scones, and “Better Red Cake Than Dead Cookies.”

                I don’t know about you, but my mouth is watering already. Put me down for two boxes of each!