U.S. Women's Soccer Team Beclowns Itself

                I wanted to root for the U.S. women’s soccer team in the World Cup. I really did. But it has proven nearly impossible to do so. From the excessive celebrations to generally deplorable behavior, it has not basked itself in glory.

                The team beat Thailand 13-0 in its Cup opener, and celebrated the 8^th, 9^th and tenth goals just as lavishly as it did its first and second goals. I don’t believe in lying down or even taking it a bit easy in situations like that, because that is more embarrassing for the opposing squad, but engaging in wild celebrations when your squad is up by 6 or 8-- or 10-- goals is simply unprofessional and undignified. Period. More recently, in a game against England, Alex Morgan celebrated a goal by pretending to sip a cup of tea. What is gained by mocking the English custom of Tea-Time after your team scores a goal in a tight contest?

                Morgan was taken aback at the criticism she and her teammates have received over their celebratory actions. She believes the criticism is due to rank misogyny. According to The Guardian, she said: “I feel that there is some sort of double standard for females in sports to feel like we, you know, have to be humble in our successes and have to celebrate but not too much and have to do something, but it always has to be in a limited fashion. You see men celebrating all around the world in big tournaments, grabbing their sacks or whatever it is and when I look at sipping a cup of tea, I’m a little taken aback and kind of…you have to laugh about it, to see all the criticism.” I feel like, you know, it disgusts me when guys grab themselves after making a basket or scoring a goal. But that gesture just makes themselves look ridiculous, it doesn’t insult another nation’s culture. And, Morgan, if you want to be treated like a man, take it like one. (Speaking of which, in 2017 the U.S. Women’s National Team lost a scrimmage to the FC Dallas under-15 boys’ team).

                Morgan claims the stunt (tea sipping) had nothing to do with English culture. “My celebration was actually more about ‘that’s the tea,’ which is telling a story. You know, spreading the news. So it wasn’t a hit to England in any way.” It was about “spreading the news?!” Right. Now tell us the one about the three bears.

                The women’s World Cup final takes place Sunday, July 7^th. The United States will play the Netherlands. When asked if her team would make the traditional visit to the White House if it won the FIFA Women’s Cup, midfielder and team leader Megan Rapinoe said that she’s “not going to the f**king White House.” Pure class.

                Start “spreading the news.” I am leaving today. I want no more part of it, you dorks, you dorks.