Saturday, March 9, 2019

Florida Man Fails Strip Search

                Wesley Scott, a Florida man, was recently arrested on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession. He was originally subjected to a 4:30 am search in the field where he denied having any illegal items concealed on his person. However, when he was made the object of a strip search upon arrival at the Pinellas County jail, he proceeded to remove “three syringes from his rectum” and provided them to a jailer. (Who, I fervently hope, was wearing impermeable gloves).
                He claimed that he “found” the syringes. He said they “were not his.”
                I don’t know about you, but whenever I come across something curious or potentially illegal, I cram it up my ass as a matter of course. Especially if it is rigid, pointy, and likely to cause great pain. However, overly skeptical officials apparently didn’t believe Scott’s highly plausible story, and therefore charged him with introducing contraband into a correctional facility, which is a felony.
                It is quite a coincidence that an innocent man accused of illegal drug possession should happen to have multiple syringes up his butt when brought into custody.
   But, who are we to judge? Maybe he was just a good Samaritan going around picking up litter…or offering flu shots to the disadvantaged.

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