New York Schools To Have "Meatless Mondays"

                New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio recently announced that he has expanded “Meatless Monday” to all New York City public schools for the 2019-2020 academic year. The pilot program, which originally brought vegetarian meals to only about 15 schools in Brooklyn, will now become a city-wide program encompassing all of the Big Apple’s roughly 1.1 million students. The young scholars will have to pick from all-vegetarian breakfast and lunch menus every Monday of the school year.

                Mayor de Blasio sounded much more excited about the change than the students will be. At a press conference to announce the program’s expansion he stated: “Cutting back on meat a little will improve New Yorkers’ health and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. We’re expanding Meatless Mondays to all public schools to keep our lunch and planet green for generations to come.”

                I had far too many green lunches in school, even when meat was served, so I’m not sold on the idea. De Blasio’s meatless mandate will obviously have no effect whatsoever on greenhouse gases, let alone “climate change,” but may well increase the amount of gas—and whining—being emitted by students.

                Reports are that “Meatless Monday” will include items like “kid friendly kale salad.” Earth to Mayor de Blasio: there is no such thing as “kid friendly kale salad.” Will “Brussel sprout-cauliflower-radish salad” be on the menu as well? I can tell Mr. Bill right now that there won’t be any "green peace" in New York City schools on Mondays.

                Mayor De Blasio said that he sees “Meatless Mondays” as just the start of a concerted effort to improve students’ health while saving the environment. He plans to add “Tofu Tuesdays” for the 2020-2021 school year, and “Foodless Fridays” the year after that. He remarked that the latter will “purge the kids’ systems while leaving the city with more greenbacks.”

Six o’clock already

I was just in the middle of a dream

I was eatin’ tasty sirloins

With my hungry crystal blue eyes agleam

But I can’t be late

‘Cause then I won’t get a very good grade

These are the days

When you wish your bed was already made

It’s just another meatless Monday

I wish it was Tuesday

“Cause that’s my I don’t have to lose day

My I don’t eat my shoes day

But it’s just another meatless Monday

Have to catch an early bus

Got to be to school by nine

And if I had an air-o-plane

I still couldn’t make it on time

‘Cause it takes me so long

Just to figure out what I’m gonna eat

Blame it on Gov’nor Cuomo

Since he won’t let us have any meat

(Unashamedly sing to the beat of “Manic Monday” by The Bangles!)