Friday, February 16, 2018

Tourist Scientist Lizard Spy

                Hassan Firuzabadi, senior military adviser to Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, told local media on February 13th that Western spies had used lizards to gain crucial information on his nation’s nuclear program, according to The Times of Israel. Firuzabadi, responding to ILNA News Agency questions about the regime’s recent arrest of environmentalists, couldn’t provide details but claimed the West had often used tourists, scientists and environmentalists to spy on Iran.
                A touring environmental scientist would really rattle them.
                Firuzabadi: “Several years ago, some individuals came to Iran to collect aid for Palestine… we were suspicious of the route they chose. In their possessions were a variety of reptile desert species like lizards, chameleons…we found out that their skin attracts atomic waves and that they were nuclear spies who wanted to find out where inside the Islamic Republic of Iran we have uranium mines and where we are engaged in atomic activities.”
                Lizards? Bernie Sanders, Mitch McConnell? No. I’ve known lounge lizards more likely to find Iranian nuclear sites. Chameleons? Jeff Flake, Lindsey Graham? Probably not. (Though human skin is made of virtually the same proteins as lizard skin).
                And what are “atomic waves?” Scientists say there is no such thing, per se. They also point out that lizards would not be attracted to deep, cold uranium mines. In fact, they seek out toasty-warm spots to hang out. Because they are cold-blooded.
                Just like the Iranian leaders themselves.
               (This is not the first time animals have been accused of spying in the Middle East: See my post of 11/9/2014, "Stork Busters," for example).

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