National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA)
National Weather Service (NWS)
Joint Communiqué
November 28, 2017
Silver Spring, Maryland
After a
lengthy period of review, the NOAA and the NWS have decided that, going
forward, in the interest of inclusiveness, all future storms, from this moment
forward, shall officially be given gender-neutral names. This includes both
major winter storms, wherever their location and whatever their course
trajectory, and hurricanes such as those that have devastated parts of the
Caribbean and Gulf of Mexico in recent weeks. In conjunction with this mandate,
the storms must also henceforth be referred to with gender-neutral pronouns, as
well. This is particularly appropriate as, unlike human beings, these storms
actually do exhibit a total absence of chromosomes or genitalia.
Therefore,
in the future, storms will never be named “Lance” or “Heather,” for example.
And, instead of stating something like, “Hurricane Harvey is likely to breach
the Florida coast on Thursday evening. The storm now possesses winds upwards of
130-miles-per-hour,” weatherpersons and lay people alike should say: “Hurricane
Pat is likely to breach the Florida coast on Thursday evening. They now
possesses winds upwards of 130-miles-per-hour.”
In
related news, the mayors of New Orleans, Miami, Raleigh (North Carolina),
Seattle, Minneapolis, and Madison (Wisconsin), have all announced that they are
“sanctuary cities” for these storms. As such, they will refuse to abide by any
and all federal laws and guidelines pertaining to meteorological calamities and
will not be taking part in any preparations for these storms, nor will they
attempt to prevent or mitigate any damage they may cause.
The
NOAA/NWS thanks everyone in advance for their strict adherence to this
tolerance-based, gender-free directive.
No comments:
Post a Comment