November 20th, 2017
In a truly remarkable sequence, every heterosexual man in the world today admitted to-and apologized for- sexually harassing, and/or groping, and/or ogling, and/or harboring “impure thoughts” about the vast majority of women on the planet. All of the men in the world also admitted to various other types of “inappropriate behavior,” including, but not limited to, leering, the use of double entendres, fantasizing, uttering “the occasional lewd remark, limerick or dirty joke,” hanging titillating or salacious calendars in their workplaces, and “’accidentally’ copping a feel” in crowded bars.
Additionally, the men pre-emptively apologized for entertaining any prurient or “indecent” thoughts or fantasies in the future, or their potential consideration of “untoward actions,” especially as they may pertain to inebriated females in revealing apparel.
“We solemnly pledge to do better,” they all said, adding, “But, it’s hard.”