The Stupid Virus

Wednesday, April 1, 2015-

From News Reports

                In congressional testimony earlier today, authorities revealed a plot to spread Chlorovirus  ATCV-1, aka “the Stupid Virus”. The virus, discovered by scientists from John Hopkins University, was first publicly acknowledged in a ‘Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences’ (PNAS) paper released on October 27^th, 2014. Shortly after the paper’s findings were disseminated many in the media dubbed Chlorovirus ATCV-1 “the Stupid Virus” because it has been found to depress certain cognitive functions. In fact, laboratory mice that had been deliberately injected with the virus were found to be about 15% ‘dumber’ than those that didn’t receive an injection.

                The virus, found in 43% of the  human sample group, resides in the back of the throat. Scientists had been puzzled by how the virus, which usually is found in algae, had made the leap to a different kingdom of animal.

                Authorities revealed today that the Democratic National Committee (DNC) had been placing infected algae into suburban and rural water supplies around the country in a desperate attempt to gain more votes in advance of the November 4, 2014 general elections.

                DNC members initially claimed that Rush Limbaugh was behind the sabotage of community water systems and that they had no knowledge of- or involvement in- the  scheme. (Several claimed that if you reverse audio-recordings of  portions of Rush’s recent radio shows  you can make out the word ‘Chlorovirus’). When asked why Rush would do that, they all sat dumbfounded and mute, however. Eventually Nancy Pelosi leapt up and said “Don’t you fools see? We had to put it in the water supplies so we could find out what was in it?!”

                Quickly caving after that, the crestfallen DNC members stated that “you all read the poll numbers, what choice did we have?”

                Many people have suspected for some time now that people, in general, have been getting dumber in recent years. How else to explain  certain voting and cultural trends, among other things? And the taking seriously and on good faith the words and promises of the heads of North Korea, Iran and other totalitarian states?

                Experts say that the ‘tipping point’ of global-dumbing, past which the planet isn’t likely to recover, will be reached if governments and people start believing anything any member of the Russian government says.